


tumblr gremlins

by ren_sauce



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Requests, Sharing a Bed, prompts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-07-01 21:39:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 26,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15782625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ren_sauce/pseuds/ren_sauce
Summary: some weird assorted ship requests sent to my tumblr, @ren-sauceyall are wild, just saying





	1. (expensive headphones) @the one anon who requested this on tumblr: i love you

**Author's Note:**

> i got a bunch of drabble prompts on tumblr and i was actually proud of these ones so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> expensive headphones prompt, "is there a reason you're naked in my bed?"

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

Cute Neighbor Guy stirred in Michael’s bed, blinking at him one eye at a time. That shouldn’t have been as cute as it was.

“What the fuck?” He groaned, rubbing his eyes blearily. “The hell’re you doin’ in my apartment?”

“Uh.” Michael rose an eyebrow. “I dunno. The hell’re you doing in  _my_  apartment?”

The guy frowned, his eyes flicking around Michael’s room.

“Mother  _fucker_.” He groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes. “I was so sure I counted right… Building looked so much differenter outside…”

“It’s ‘more different’.” Michael said, before realizing Cute Neighbor Guys slurred words, ruffled hair, bleary, tearful eyes and the wide open window next to his bed. “Are you drunk? Did - did you  _climb up here?”_

“No!” Cute Neighbor Guy protested. He looked away, and oh shit, was he about to cry? “Yeah…” He mumbled. “Sorry.”

“No, uh - don’t be sorry…” Michael said carefully, slowly sitting next to him on the bed. “You seriously climbed up here? That’s like, three stories! I think it’s easier to just take the stairs, dude.”

“Not when Dustin Kropp’s being a dick.” Cute Neighbor Guy mumbled bitterly. “And I go climbing and bouldering, like, twice a week. I can climb shit fine.”

“Not when you’re drunk!”

“Wine drunk.” He protested, pulling the covers up to his chin. “Totally different.”

Well, that explained the wine bottle on his nightstand.

“Just - come on.” Michael sighed, grabbing the discarded clothes on his bedroom floor and holding him up for Cute Neighbor Guy to take. “Get dressed, I’ll get you some water. You can stay here so I can make sure you don’t, like, die, or something, but then you gotta go. Okay?”

“Okay.” Cute Neighbor Guy sighed, throwing the covers off and taking his clothes. Michael spluttered, slapping his hands over his glasses.

“Dude!” He shrieked, spinning to face the wall. “A little warning next time?!”

“Next time?” Cute Neighbor Guy smirked, shrugging on his muscle tee.

“You - shut up!” Michael whimpered. Cute Neighbor Guy chuckled and pulled on the rest of his clothes, tapping Michael’s shoulder to tell him he could turn around. “Why are you even naked, anyways?!”

“Dude, it’s a billion degrees out and I can’t afford air conditioning.” Cute Neighbor Guy shrugged. “I sleep naked.”

Michael almost choked.

“Of  _course_  you do…” He muttered, leading him out of the bedroom to the kitchen.

“I’m rich, by the way.” Cute Neighbor Guy said as he wobbled onto one Michael’s kitchen counter stool.

“If that were true, you wouldn’t be living in this dump.”

“Wh- dude, no.” Cute Neighbor Guy laughed. “My  _name_  is Rich. Like, Richard.”

“That’s nice.” Michael said, because he wasn’t really sure what else to say. “My name’s Michael. Like, Michelangelo.” He paused as he poured Rich a glass of water. “I don’t know why I said that.”

“You’re funny.” Rich giggled, hiccuping slightly. “I know you. You’re the gamer guy who sings in the shower.”

“Oh.” Michael blanked, setting Rich’s glass down in front of him. “Sorry. Didn’t realize you could hear that.”

“It’s nice.” Rich smiled, sipping his water. “I liked that one from the percy jackson musical. The tree one? That was nice.”

“The Tree On The Hill.” Michael corrected, smiling softly. “One of my favorites.”

“You look kinda like the guy who plays Grover, y’know.”

“Why do people say that?!” Michael snapped, folding his arms. “I do not look like him!”

“You do.”

“Whatever.” Michael huffed. “You said you climbed up here ‘cause of some guy?”

Rich winced, and Michael suspected it wasn’t a hangover.

“Ex boyfriend.” He sighed, resting his chin on the counter. “Really shitty ex boyfriend. I don’t really wanna go into it, but the short story is he was a manipulative asshole who’s now playing the victim and camping outside my apartment with a guitar.”

“Yikes.” Michael grimaced. Now that he thought about it, he did remember seeing a guy with a guitar sitting on the stairwell. “That’s rough, buddy. You can stay here for the night, I’ll tell him to scram in the morning if you want.”

“You don’t have to do that.” Rich said. “I need to make sure he gets the message.”

“I can wait outside my door if you want.” Michael said gently. “The walls are thin here. If I hear him being a prick I can just burst through the door like,  _bam!_ Nerd attack!”

Rich laughed again. He had a nice laugh.

“You’re sweet.” He smiled. “I saw you in the elevator a few times. You’re pretty hot.”

Michael choked on his own spit.

“You are…  _Clearly_  drunk.”

“Yeah. But you’re hot.” Rich shrugged. “I always thought you were cute. And really nice. I saw you cry over that box of kittens someone left outside the building.”

“I did not cry!” Michael protested. “They were just really small, okay?!”

“And you fed them every day.” Rich smiled fondly. “Until they were all gone. I saw flyers about them, too. Did you make those?”

“… Mayhaps.” Michael muttered. “You, um - you’re cute too, by the way.”

“Yeah, right.” Rich laughed bitterly, flexing his scarred arms. “With these things? I’m lucky Dustin actually wanted to date me.”

Somehow, Michael knew it wasn’t Rich who was saying that.

“Your boyfriend sounds like a dick.” He huffed, resting his cheek on his hand. “I’ll punch him.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’ll learn how to punch, and then I’ll track him down and punch him!”

“Damn.” Rich giggled, actually giggled, was this guy real? “You’re, like - super cute. Ugh. I wish I dumped Dustin sooner. I wish I’d asked you out when I wasn’t drunk.”

Michael tried not to choke on air.

“You, uh.” He mumbled awkwardly. “Haven’t asked me out yet. Drunk or sober.”

“I didn’t?” Rich frowned, cocking his head adorably. “Huh. I always thought that’d be like, the first thing I did when I finally talked to you.”

Michael swallowed. Rich yawned loudly, stretching his arms over his head, his glass now empty. Michael tried not to focus on his muscles flexing with the movement, or his tattoos rippling on his skin.

“Go to sleep, Rich.” He sighed. “Couch isn’t the best, but it’s comfy. You can ask me out in the morning. When you’re sober, and can actually think properly.”

“Ugh. You’re bossy.” Rich sighed, padding over to the couch and collapsing on it face first. “Still cute, though.”

“Thanks.” Michael mumbled, moving Rich to lie on his side. “You’re cute, too. I hope you’re serious.” He added, more to himself than to Rich. “I don’t wanna get my hopes up for nothing.”

“You know it won’t be so easy to get me naked again, right?”

Michael laughed gently, grabbing a blanket from the floor and throwing it over Rich’s small body.

“I…  _Really_  don’t care about that, dude.” He smiled. “Well, not that much. You’re pretty hot.”

“Thanks.” Rich grinned, eyes drifting shut. “I’ve never had a wine hangover before, that’ll be interesting.” He yawned again, snuggling into the blanket. “Night, Michael.”

“Night, Rich.”


	2. (expensive headphones) only depressed people use netflix and tumblr at the same time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> expensive headphones and minor deere, prompt: "i can't believe you talked me into this"

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“Oh, come  _on_ , Michael!” Jeremy laughed around his red solo cup. “It’s a party! Lighten up!”

Michael fixed him with a flat stare. “You have literally had two panic attacks since we’ve been here.”

“Maybe so…” Jeremy mumbled. “But that was before I found alcohol. See?” He took a swig to prove his point, immediately grimacing and spitting it back into the cup. “ _Jesus,_ that is disgusting! Why do people drink this?!”

“I assume to get drunk.” Michael said shortly, sipping his Coke. Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“You know, you could at least pretend like you’re enjoying yourself.” Jeremy huffed. “You aren’t even in a costume!”

“I am so!”

“Oh yeah? What?”

Michael huffed, almost offended, showing off his red shirt. “I’m  _Netflix?!”_

"You just put on a red shirt and drew an N on it!” Jeremy scoffed. “That’s hardly Netflix!”

“I have slippers!” Michael protested. “And sweatpants!”

“So you look like a slob, that doesn’t make you Netflix!”

“Oh, what the fuck  _ever!”_ Michael huffed, rolling his eyes. “Who are you s’posed to be?”

“I’m Eminem!”

“You put on an Eminem shirt, that doesn’t make you Eminem.”

“Fuck off!” Jeremy snapped, sipping his beer and grimacing. “Ugh. This sucks.”

“Hey.” Michael said suddenly, elbowing him. “I think he’s looking at you.”

“He is?!” Jeremy squeaked. “Should I look? Will that look weird?”

“Looking isn’t weird, Jeremy. He’s the one looking at you.”

“Okay, oh crap, should I go over there?”

“I think he’s beaten you to it, dude.”

Jeremy gaped at him, helpless. “W-What?”

“Hey guys!” Jake Dillinger grinned next to them. “Glad you could make it! Jeremy, you an Eminem fan?”

Michael laughed, almost choking on his Coke. “No, dude, he just  _is_  Emin-”

“Yeah!” Jeremy smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, an Eminem fan, that’s me! Talk about scary, right? And, uh, you’re Prince?”

“Hell yeah, dude!” Jake laughed, adjusting his wig. “So, uh. You wanna dance or something? I really like this song.”

“Yes!” Jeremy said quickly. “Uh, I mean - yeah, sure.”

Michael smirked. “Smooth.”

“Shut up.” Jeremy said through gritted teeth before following Jake onto the dance floor. Michael shot him an exaggerated thumbs up. Jeremy pretended to ignore him, doing a little nervous bop as Jake went into full dance mode.

“I think our roommates like each other.” A voice said next to him. Michael jolted, spinning around to face a boy with a mop of spiky brown hair, with a streak of red cutting through it, and a blue shirt with a cartoon T on it.

“You think?” Michael smiled awkwardly. How did people socialize again?

“Think so.” The boy smirked, nodding at Jake doing the moonwalk. “He was learning how to do that all week. Kept me up all fucking night and twisted his ankle twice.”

“Jesus.” Michael laughed. “Jeremy put on an Eminem shirt so Jake would think he was cool.”

“Seriously?” The boy chuckled. “That’s, like… Lowkey cute. So, Netflix?” He added, nodding at Michael’s costume.

“Thank you!” Michael huffed, crossing his arms. “Jeremy said no one would get it!”

“That makes you Michael, then.” The guy smiled. “Jake talks about Jeremy a lot. You come up quite a bit. Don’t worry, all good things. I heard you covered Mr Reyes’s classroom in TP one time?”

“And silly string.” Michael grinned proudly. “Twas a fine day.”

“Kudos, man.” The guy chuckled. “I’m Rich.”

“Rich?” Michael frowned. “Oh,  _Rich!_ I know you, you’re the guy who wrote an essay about how Hamilton was actually bisexual! Tumblr, right?” He added, gesturing to his blue shirt with the T.

“Yes!” Rich grinned. “I was hoping someone’d get that. A few people just thought it was a T shirt. Like, a pun? Which is good, but, y’know… Tumblr.”

“Well, now you have a double-costume, sorta.” Michael smiled. “Two birds!”

“Fair enough.” Rich shrugged. “So, Netflix.” He smirked, looking Michael up and down. “Wanna go chill?”

Michael felt his mouth go dry.

“Uh…” He mumbled awkwardly. “I-I don’t-”

“Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Rich cringed, slapping his palm to his forehead. “That was so bad, please forget I said that. I can do better, okay…”

Michael froze. What was he supposed to do here?

“So, uh, Netflix!” Rich grinned with painted-on confidence. “Got any romcoms? Wait, no, that was terrible. Ah, Jesus, I suck at this…”

“Um.” Michael said dumbly. “I-I… Think you’re better than you think you are?”

Rich gaped at him. “You do?”

“Well - your pick up lines suck, full offense.” Michael shrugged, sipping his Coke nervously. “But you’re cute. So.”

“Oh. Oh!” Rich grinned. “Uh - y-you wanna dance?”

“I’m not much of a dancer.” Michael said, wincing when Rich’s face fell. “But we can just stand here and make fun of the drunk girls, if you want!”

“That sounds awesome.” Rich smiled, leaning against the wall with Michael. “Y’know, we kinda match.” At Michael’s raised eyebrow, he continued. “Tumblr and Netflix. Like, I don’t know about you, but I use those two apps every single day, usually at the same time.”

Michael laughed, leaning towards him subconsciously 

“That,” He chuckled, his hand brushing against Rich’s. “Is a depression mood, my friend.”

Across the dance floor, Jeremy frowned, nudging Jake gently.

“I think our roommates like each other.”

Jake stopped his dancing, smiling as Rich and Michael burst out laughing, Rich holding Michael’s shoulder gently.

“You think?"


	3. leg broke (deere)

Jake liked to make people feel good.

When it came to hookups, he’d always make sure they were comfortable. Safe, sane, and consensual, that was the motto. And if they ended up doing more, uh,  _adventurous_  stuff, it was important to make sure they got the proper aftercare.

On the rare occasion he did end up dating someone, he tried to let it be a good experience for his datefriend. Healthy communication, lots of physical contact (both kinds), that kind of stuff. He just liked to make people happy, even though it sometimes went a bit wrong. He tried his best, and that’s what counted.

Ever since Jake started dating Jeremy, he’d wanted it to be perfect. He’d never really had a serious relationship, especially not one that had lasted more than a week, and was determined to do it right. And honestly, he was kind of enjoying it. Jeremy had been very clear about not wanting to do any, ahem,  _physical_  stuff until he was ready, which Jake had wholeheartedly agreed with; sex wasn’t fun unless each person was enjoying it. But even without the bedroom stuff, it was still really fun having a nice, comfortable relationship. Cuddles, thought-out dates, surprising Jeremy with little gifts (Jeremy always freaked out and demanded to know how much they cost so he could get Jake gifts of equal value. Jake never told him. It was adorable). It was actually really nice being in a relationship that wasn’t just sex.

…  There was  _one_  thing that annoyed people about them, though.

“Jake.” Michael sighed, hiding his face with one hand. “ _Please_  get your hands off my best friend.”

Jake grinned down at the melted puddle of Jeremy, face down on the table and humming happily as Jake worked his fingers into the knots in his back.

“Nope!”

“At least tell him to quiet down?” Michael protested. “I can’t study if he’s making sex noises all the time!”

“You think those are sex noises?” Rich scoffed. “Please, headphones.”

“Oh, and you’d know?”

“I know more than you do!” Rich grinned, leaning forward across library desk. “I can show you some  _real_  sex noises if you want.”

Michael flushed. “Jake.” He squeaked awkwardly. “Please take your boyfriend and your Rich and kindly leave the premises.”

“ _Nooo!”_ Jeremy whined, leaning back into Jake’s hands. “Jake’s nice! And I like his massages!”

“I can see that, oh horny one.” Michael growled. “Can I please do my calc homework?”

Jeremy whined again, holding Jake’s wrist gently when he tried to pull away.

“Jakey?” He asked pleadingly, eyes wide in the way he knew made Jake’s knees go weak.

“Later.” Jake chuckled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “My place?”

“Yes, please.” Jeremy smiled gratefully. Rich pretended to gag.

“Jake, please don’t have sex on our couch.”

“Stop flirting with Michael and we have a deal.”

“Hmm…” Rich hummed, eyeing Michael up and down. “Sorry, can’t.”

Michael’s face burst red, and he let out a noise that sounded like the verbalization of someone just smashing on their keyboard randomly.

“My place.” Jake murmured one last time, giving Jeremy another quick peck. “I’ll make dinner? I make a killer bolognese.”

Jeremy smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

—

“Again, I am…  _so_ sorry about the bolognese.” Jake said awkwardly as they sat eating cheese pizza on his couch.

“It’s really fine.” Jeremy smiled, looking adorable tiny in Jake’s varsity jacket and a pair of long flannel pants. “Thanks for lending me some clothes.”

“I really didn’t mean to spill it on you.” Jake mumbled, rubbing his neck nervously. “I really don’t know what happened, my legs just - locked up, suddenly. I dunno. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Jake.” Jeremy insisted. “Promise. But are you sure you’re okay?”

“What?” Jake frowned. “Yeah, m’fine. Why?”

“It’s just - the way your legs messed up… It looked really painful. Are you sure it’s not something that happened during… During the fire?”

Jake sighed, looking away. The cheesy aftertaste of his pizza turned bitter in his throat.

“Probably.” He huffed, glaring at his stupid legs. “There’s a whole bunch of messed up shit going on in these things.”

Jeremy looked at him sympathetically, gently nudging Jake’s hand with his own. Jake smiled, lacing their fingers together.

“Y’know, if you want…” Jeremy mumbled. “Maybe I can help?”

“Yeah? How?”

Jeremy’s face tinted pink. He bit his lip, and Jake tried not to focus on it too much.

“Do you… Well, I mean…” He fidgeted with his free hand. “I could give you a massage? I mean, you’re always giving me massages, and they help me a lot… I-I just figured…”

Jake frowned. A massage? He’d never really considered that… But, then again, his legs were really stiff nowadays.

“Yeah.” He hummed. “That sounds good.”

“Uh - really?!” Jeremy gaped.

“Yeah. How do you want me?”

“Uh!” Jeremy stiffened, face gradually turning redder. “W-Well - seeing as its your legs - a-and you don’t have to do this, but…”

“Jeremy?”

_“CanyoutakeyourpantsoffformeI’msosorry!”_

Jake frowned, having to take a second to process what Jeremy’d said.

“My pants?” He smirked. “Jeremy Heere, you sly dog!” Before Jeremy could protest, Jake undid his jeans and tugged them off, slinging his legs over Jeremy’s lap with only his boxers on.

“Sorry…” Jeremy mumbled, trying not to stare at Jake’s boxer shorts. “Um - are those Pokemon?”

“Dude.” Jake said seriously. “Do not diss Pikachu.”

“Only basic bitches pick Pikachu.” Jeremy muttered, resting his hands around Jake’s thigh.

“Well, then I guess I’m a basic -  _oh my god.”_

“Sorry!” Jeremy squeaked, pulling his hands back. “Too much?”

“No!” Jake whined, desperate to have Jeremy’s wonderful hands back on his leg. “Please keep doing that!”

“Oh!” Jeremy squeaked, hesitantly placing his hands back over Jake’s thigh. “Like - like this?”

“Fuck yeah.” Jake sighed, tipping his head over the couch arm. “That is - oh shit, that’s good. How are you so good at this?”

“Uh…” Jeremy blushed, working his fingers slowly down to Jake’s calf. “My dad gets these back pains… Sorry. That’s kinda gross.”

“If it gave you those magic fingers, I honestly do not give a shit.” Jake sighed blissfully, cutting himself off with a loud groan. “Shit, is this how legs are supposed to feel? My legs were  _fucked up,_ oh my  _god_.”

“You’re, uh…” Jeremy mumbled. “R-Really enjoying this, huh?”

“Dude, you sound a lot worse when I’m rubbing your back.”

“I do?!” Jeremy squeaked in horror. “I-I didn’t know that, I thought I was just - are you messing with me?”

“No- _oh_ , my god…” Jake moaned. “No, you’re, like… Super vocal.”

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Vocal.”

“You’re dead to me.”

“Nah.” Jake grinned as Jeremy moved to his other leg. “You  _loooove_ me.”

“Mayhaps…” Jeremy mumbled bitterly. Jake was about to respond, but he could only groan as Jeremy knitted his fingers into his muscles gently, working out all the tension slowly and carefully.

“Dude!” Rich snapped, throwing open his bedroom door. “I told you  _not_  to have sex on our couch, some of us are trying to watch Netflix!” He took in Jake lying melted on the couch, legs in Jeremy’s lap. “Wait, what the fuck?”

“This is not what it-” Jeremy began, noticing a red shape over Rich’s shoulder. “Wait,  _Michael?!”_

“You cannot judge me when your hands are around another mans leg!” Michael snapped, attempting to hide behind Rich’s shoulder. It didn’t really work, considering the height difference. “Go back to your weird leg fetish, you freak! And both of you, stop being so loud! I am honestly scared of the day you two finally fuck, god fucking damn!”

He pulled Rich back inside, slamming the door behind them. Jake bit his lip, trying and failing to hold back a laugh.

“Holy shit.” He chuckled, evolving into a full blown laughing fit. “Holy  _shit!”_

“Did that just happen?!” Jeremy cried, gaping at Rich’s bedroom door. “What the fuck?!”

“Oh my god!” Jake cried, cupping Jeremy’s face with one hand. “Holy shit, I love you so fucking much…”

Jeremy flushed, a small smile growing on his lips.

“I-I love you too, Jakey…”

“Tight.” Jake grinned. “Let’s go make fun of them on the groupchat.”


	4. (deere) i think you just fell for me (but seriously are you okay)

“Jeremy.”

He thought that, after waking up from fainting, everything was supposed to be all black. Turns out, he was super wrong. Everything was white. Not a blinding, SQUIP white. A soft white. He let it envelope him, floating softly in the white limbo.

“Jeremy? You there?”

He could hear a voice. It felt far away, distant. Who was it? Wait, who was he? No, it didn’t matter. He kept floating calmly, letting himself be embraced by the soft whiteness.

“Babe, c’mon. You’re scaring me. Are you okay?”

The voice was nice, though. Warm, comforting. He wanted to reach out to it, touch it, feel the words trace along his skin.

“Please, Jeremy.”

Jeremy. That was his name. Je-re-my. He was a human. His name was Jeremy. He’s sixteen, going on seventeen, and he always laughs whenever someone says that because he loves The Sound Of Music, and -

And he didn’t know where he was.

What happened? Why was he here? He waited for the panic, waited for his blood to turn into soda water and rush in his veins, but he couldn’t. The whiteness washed it all away.

“Wake up. Please, Jer, I’m worried.”

That voice. Jake? Jake… He was his… friend? No. Boyfriend. Where was Jake? He wanted Jake. Jake was nice. A solid constant that Jeremy could hold on to. The whiteness was nice, but Jake was nicer. Holdable. Huggable.

He felt his hands slide across scratchy fabric. He tensed his fingers, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. It was starchy and stiff, but at least it was something.

“Jeremy?” Jake sounded eager. Almost… Desperate? “I saw you move. Are you waking up? Please wake up, Jer.”

The whiteness receded, absorbing into Jeremy’s skin and filling him with a fizzy kind of energy, an urge to run and jump until he got tired out. The last of the whiteness vanished, and Jeremy took in his surroundings.

He was in the nurses office. The starchy fabric was from the sheets on the bed. It was cold - chills whispered down his skin like waves. And Jake was hovering over him, deep, soulful eyes wide with concern.

“Jeremy?” He smiled gently. “You with me, baby?”

“Jake?” Jeremy frowned blearily. “What… What happened?”

“Shh.” Jake murmured, pushing a cookie to his lips. “Don’t talk, just eat. Save your strength.”

Jeremy stared at the cookie, fear and nausea spreading like vines in his stomach.

“I…” He pushed Jake’s hand away. “I’m really not that hungry.”

“Jeremy.” Jake said firmly, pushing the cookie back. “You have to eat.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“Just eat it, Jer.”

“I can’t!” Jeremy snapped, shoving him away one final time. Jake frowned, finally setting the cookie back on the bedside table.

“What d’you mean, you can’t?”

“I…” Jeremy mumbled, feeling sick. “I just can’t, Jake.”

Jake sighed, leaning back in his chair. 

“You fainted, Jer.” He murmured quietly. “Straight into my arms. You know we’re already dating, right? If you wanted my attention, you could’ve just asked.”

Jeremy blushed at that comment, but frowned at the statement.

“I fainted?”

“You don’t remember?” Jake frowned. “Michael went ape shit. He wouldn’t leave your side, he was so fucking worried. Rich managed to pull him away for a sec - they’re getting lunch. They might be a while, Michael looked pretty messed up and you know Rich hates it when he’s upset.”

Jeremy didn’t say anything, just looked at the floor stubbornly.

“Jeremy.” Jake sighed, grabbing his chin gently between his thumb and forefinger and pulling him carefully to look at him. “Baby, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird for days now. We’re your friends, I’m - I’m your boyfriend, Jer. We want to help.”

Jeremy bit his lip and fought down tears.

“That doesn’t mean you have to worry about it, though.” He whispered, like if he spoke any louder, he’d break. “It’s my stupid shit. I’ll handle it.”

“You  _fainted,_ Jeremy!” Jake snapped, suddenly angry. “Do you know how fucking terrified that made me?!”

Jeremy whimpered softly, screwing his eyes shut. Jake softened, pulling his hand away.

“Sorry.” He mumbled apologetically.

“S’fine.” Jeremy sniffed. “You don’t have to worry about me, Jake. It’s just something I’m dealing with.”

Jake sighed, his eyes, usually so alive, now looking so tired. Jeremy bit his lip. That was because of  _him_. He was exhausting him. Soon he’d leave and then everyone else would too, even Michael, why would he want to stick around, and then Jeremy would have nothing,  _nothing_.

“Jeremy…” Jake started slowly. Jeremy tensed, waiting for the hit. “I’m always gonna worry about you. You can’t stop me from doing that. Just tell me what’s wrong, and I promise, I’ll try my best to fix it.” He squeezed Jeremy’s hand gently. “Please, Jer.”

Jeremy bit his lip, hard.

Fuck it.

“My mom called me.”

Jake froze, gaping at him.

“She what?” He whispered.

“I’m sorry.” Jeremy sighed, defeated. “I shouldn’t’ve hid that from you. Not even my dad knows, but. Out of everyone, you’d understand the most.”

“Jeremy…”

“The SQUIP - it was never really gone, Jake.” Jeremy sniffed, voice cracking. “It’s quieter, but - it’s still there. And ever since she called - it was just a stupid voicemail, but still…”

“… It’s been talking to you?” Jake filled in gently. Jeremy gave a slight nod.

“Sometimes I can’t tell if it’s it or me thinking these things. I just - I get these thoughts in my head, that she’s disappointed in me, that she never even wanted me, that she has a new, better family now, without any of this, this - anxiety  _bullshit,_ so why would she want me?!” His voice cracked painfully in his throat, tears spilling down his cheeks.

“Jer…” Jake whispered, holding his hand gently. “I had no idea…”

“It - It’s not like I’m trying to starve myself or anything.” Jeremy said between soft sobs. “Like, I don’t just think, hey, this would all be fixed if I was skinnier, like - I-I  _hate_  how skinny I am. But I just - I get those thoughts, and I just - I-I just…”

“You don’t want to eat?”

“It’s not that…” Jeremy sniffled. “I just… Can’t eat? Like, I’ll look at food and I won’t feel hungry even though I know I am, and then I just can’t eat it? Like my brain’s telling me not to or something? And if I try, I feel sick.”

Jake swallowed, moving slowly, cautiously, from his seat to sit on the bed next to Jeremy. Jeremy leaned into him, grateful for the touch, sobbing into his neck.

“Do you think it’s the SQUIP?” He asked gently, holding Jeremy close.

“I… I don’t know.” A broken sob bubbled through his lips. “I don’t  _know,_ Jake, I don’t-!”

“Hey, hey!” Jake murmured, running his fingers through Jeremy’s hair. “It’s okay, you’re safe, I gotcha.”

“I’m sorry…” Jeremy whispered brokenly. “This is so stupid.”

“It’s  _not_  stupid.” Jake said firmly. “You’re allowed to be sad, Jer. No one’ll think any less of you for being upset. But you have to eat.”

“I  _can’t_.”

“You  _can_.” Jake insisted. “And I know it sucks hearing people say that because you’re certain that you can’t and you feel like they just don’t get it, but you  _can_. I know you can. Here.” He snapped the cookie in half, raising the smaller half to Jeremy’s lips. “Try it.”

“Jake-”

“Just a little.” He persisted. “A tiny bit, okay? Please, Jer?”

Jeremy sighed, snapping off a tiny corner. He rose it to his mouth, gulped hard (had his throat always been that dry?) and popped the tiny piece into his mouth. Immediately, he felt nauseous. 

“You can do it.” Jake encouraged him gently. “C’mon, just swallow, and then it’ll all be over, okay?”

Jeremy gulped. The corner scratched his throat slightly, but it tasted good. Really good. Immediately, Jeremy heard his stomach gurgle. Jake chuckled gently.

“You want some more?” He asked, waving the cookie temptingly.

“… Please?” Jeremy murmured. “I might not eat it all, but…”

“That’s okay.” Jake smiled, handing him the smaller half. “You’re doing so well, baby.”

Jeremy nibbled on his cookie-half, relishing the warm chocolate on his tongue. The nausea lessened, but there was still a small pull in his stomach. Oh well. He didn’t care. He was so hungry…

“You want the other half?” Jake offered. Jeremy bit his lip and shook his head.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jake smiled, pressing his lips to Jeremy’s forehead. “You did so well, babe.”

“Thanks.” Jeremy smiled gently, preening at the praise. “Can I have some water, please?”

Jake wordlessly handed him his bottle, and Jeremy immediately started chugging it.

“Whoa, slow down!” Jake laughed, holding him still. “I don’t want you barfing that all up again, okay? I worked too hard to get that cookie down you!”

Jeremy chuckled quietly, but slowed down for him.

“Small sips, okay?”

“Okay.” Jeremy smiled, sipping his water.

“So…” Jake drawled. “You wanna talk about the whole mom thing?”

“Ugh.” Jeremy grimaced. “Later. When I’m not so tired. Then I can have a proper mental breakdown about it. Right now, I’ve just… I’ve gotta recharge.”

“Cuddles?”

“Yes, please.” Jeremy smiled, burrowing into Jake’s chest. Jake chuckled, holding him tight.

“I love you, Jer.” He murmured into Jeremy’s shoulder, the words tracing over his skin gently. “Don’t scare me like that again, okay?”

“I won’t.” Jeremy said quietly, pressing a kiss to Jake’s collar bone. “I love you, too, Jakey. So much. Thank you.”

“No problem, Jer. Sleep now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Jeremy yawned, already drifting off. Jake smiled fondly, kissing his hair, soft and sweet.

“Promise.”


	5. (expensive headphones) messes. messes everywhere.

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“Michael-”

“No, I’m seriously gonna kill him!” Michael snapped, pacing the length of the small closet, which was basically just him taking two steps, turning around, taking another two steps and so on. “What kind of asshole locks someone in a closet!”

Apparently, Jake. It wasn’t really his fault, though. He’d been dealing with Rich’s pathetic pining bullshit for weeks now. It was only natural he’d snap.

“Well.” Rich grinned with fake confidence, waggling his eyebrows. “Seeing as we’re here…”

“Rich, can you please not?” Michael huffed, sinking down into one of the corners. The closet was a little bigger than most, so at least they weren’t pressed up against each other. Shit, Rich had no idea how he’d be able to handle that.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, sliding down across from Michael to sit down next to the door, their toes only just touching.

“This is a nightmare.” Michael groaned, more to himself than to Rich. Rich tried not to take that comment to heart. He failed.

“Didn’t realize having to be near me was such a burden, headphones.”

“Oh, come  _on,_ Rich, you know I didn’t mean it like that!”

“Really?!” Rich snapped suddenly. “Because it seems like you’ve been fucking terrified of being alone with me for a solid week, Michael.”

Michael gritted his teeth and sucked in a breath, trying to calm himself.

“I don’t want to get into this right now, Rich-”

“No, you don’t get to do that!”

“Jesus Christ, why can’t you just leave me alone?!”

“Oh my fucking-!” Rich cut himself off with a growl, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Y’know the way I remember it,  _you’re_  the one who kissed _me,_ Mike.”

Across from him, Michael tensed.

“Rich, I really don’t want to talk about this-”

“Well, too fucking bad, because it looks like we’ll be trapped in here for a  _while_. So yeah. We’re fucking talking about this.”

Michael looked at him pleadingly. “Rich, please-”

“No!” Rich snapped. “You don’t get to kiss me,  _like that,_ and then avoid me for a whole fucking week, Michael, you  _don’t_. That’s a dick move.”

“I know that!” Michael said suddenly. He deflated, resting his chin on his knees. “I  _know_  that. Okay? I just had to think.”

“Think about what?” Rich huffed. “How  _fun_ it would be to just lead me on like that and then want nothing to do with me? Yeah, real fucking hilarious, Mike!”

“It wasn’t that!”

“ _Oh_ , well maybe it was to talk to Jeremy about how much of a fucking freak I am! Yeah, bet you didn’t spare a single detail there, didja?”

“Rich, stop it!”

“Yeah, I bet you both had a real nice laugh about how fucking pathetic I am. I mean, how cliche can you get, asking someone out in the rain, yeah, real fucking funny-!”

“It wasn’t anything like that and you know it!” Michael all but screamed. “Just stop, Rich, okay?! I don’t want to deal with this right now!”

“Why not?!”

“ _Because I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified!”_

Time stopped.

“Oh…” Rich mumbled.

“Yeah.” Michael said bitterly, voice thick. “Oh.”

“… Couldn’t you have just led with that?” Rich smiled awkwardly. “I mean, would’ve made everything a whole lot easier-”

“Rich, I know I just kinda confessed to you, but can you please not be a dick about this?” Michael sighed. He sounded so tired.

“Okay.” Rich said carefully. “Sorry. Just… A little confused here.”

Michael let out another sigh, tipping his head back to lean against the wall.

“I’ve only ever loved Jeremy.” He said slowly. Cautiously. “He’s my best friend, I’ve - I’ve been with him forever. ‘Course I liked him. But then you come along, and you’re all ‘nice to meet you, my name’s bi!’ and you’re all flirty and shit but - but you’re still super sweet too? And I just - I didn’t get it. And I didn’t get why I kept getting these fucking -  _feelings_ around you when I’d loved Jeremy for so long.”

“… I guess that makes sense.” Rich sighed reluctantly. “If you wanted me to give you time to think, you could’ve just said so. I would’ve understood.”

“I  _had_  time to think.” Michael said, voice crackling in his throat. “And after a while, I just - I dunno. Looked at Jeremy one day and… It didn’t hurt as much. And then I looked at you and - it was so much worse. And every time you’d say a stupid pick-up line, o-or flirt with me, I just - I guess I just tried to convince myself it wasn’t real.”

“Fair enough.” Rich laughed bitterly. He got it. Why would Michael want to love him?

“No - i-it’s not like that!” Michael insisted, leaning forward to touch Rich’s knee reassuringly. “I just - I loved Jeremy for  _so long_ , Rich, and he never even noticed until last week when you - you know…” He trailed off. “I just couldn’t keep it a secret from him anymore, y’know? He was really understanding about it. A-And he knows I don’t like him anymore, but - I guess after four years of nothing, this all felt…  _Really_  fast in comparison.” He looked away, biting his lip. “I do like you, though. I just got scared. I figured it had to be a joke or something.”

“Wow.” Rich said after a moment of silence. “That whole Jeremy thing really messed you up, huh?”

“Little bit.” Michael shrugged. “I talked to Jeremy about it - but I swear, I wasn’t making fun of you. I was just confused, and -  _so_ messed up. I kept trying to tell myself it wasn’t real because - y’know, how could it? That’s why I was avoiding you. And I’m sorry for that, I just…”

“You didn’t know how to react.” Rich smiled gently. “That’s fine, Mike. I never thought anyone could even want to be my friend without the SQUIP, and now everything’s awesome. But you’re not unlovable or anything. I really like you.”

“I kinda got that.” A watery laugh bubbled through Michael’s lips. “I really like you too. And I kinda… Really wanna kiss you.”

Rich let out a small, strangled noise. “Y-Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Michael chuckled. “Can I? I won’t run away this time. Promise.”

Rich rolled his eyes, grabbing Michael by the front of his hoodie.

“’Bout fuckin’ time, headphones.”


	6. (boyf riends) pregananant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm pregnant."

“Oh, Meggie, I am so  _proud_  of you!” Michael squealed with delight. “You have that beautiful mothers glow!”

Nutmeg gave him a flat stare as her puppies whimpered around her.

“I’m so blessed.” Michael whispered. “I’m such a proud grandfather. Uncle? Grandfather.”

One of the puppies yawned loudly.

“I’m an uncle.” He declared. “And I love my nieces and nephews. And nonbinary niblings. I don’t wanna assume.”

Nutmeg let out a ‘whuff’ of air, licking her pups lazily.

“You’re such a good mom.” Michael smiled proudly, lying down next to her and her puppies, but making sure to leave some space between them so she didn’t get all worried and protective. Motherhood had really changed Nutmeg. Michael was proud of her responsibility. She was a good girl.

“Damn.” He hummed, glancing at her and her pups. “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to, like,  _actually_  be pregnant?”

Nutmeg fixed him with an unimpressed stare.

“Oh. Right.” Michael chuckled. “Still, though. Like, what if I was pregnant? That’d be so weird. Like not just because I don’t have a vagina and have also never had sex so it’s lowkey impossible, but like… Having something growing inside you? That’s so weird.”

Nutmeg rolled her eyes, letting one of her babies chew on her ear. Michael gasped, sitting up suddenly.

“Meggie, I have just come up with a totally awesome, 100% rational plan, and you are going to help me!”

Nutmeg growled in the back of her throat, almost like a groan, and rolled over to face the wall.

“Yeah. That’s fair.”

—

“Michael?” Jeremy frowned as he stepped into Michael’s room. “What’s up? You sounded pretty urgent over the phone…”

“Jeremy.” Michael said gravely, not moving from his bed. “Sit down. This is important.”

Jeremy’s eyes filled with concern as he rushed to sit next to Michael on the bed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked gently. “Are - are you okay?”

“There’s something you need to know.” Michael sighed, wincing as a tiny leg kicked him in the stomach. “Tidbit, stop it!” He hissed, glaring down his shirt.

“Uh - what?”

“Nothing!” Michael said quickly. “I-I just… Sorry. I’m so scared, Jeremy.”

“You don’t need to be scared, Mike.” Jeremy said softly, taking his hand. “It’s okay. I’m here for you. And I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Michael.”

“Oh, christ…” Michael mumbled. “That is… Way too emotionally supportive for this, oh shit.”

“What?”

“Nothing! Just being weird again.” Michael chuckled nervously, shaking himself back into his serious facade. “Okay. Jeremy, I’m sorry, but I have to tell you this.” He took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”

Jeremy gaped at him.

“Wh-What?”

“Yes. I am with child.”

“But -” Jeremy’s eyes flicked back and forth, like that one lady from the meme with the imaginary equations. “How is that even possible? It’s not possible. Is it? Our school doesn’t teach us anything about sex ed! How am I expected to know this?!”

“Oh, it’s possible.” Michael nodded gravely. “And they’re yours. All five of them.”

 _”Five?!”_ Jeremy gasped. “Is that natural?!”

“Oh, yes.” Michael said seriously. “Meet your new family, Jerm.”

Wordlessly, he lifted up his hoodie, revealing five squirming puppies.

Jeremy looked from the puppies to Michael and back again.

“But…” He mumbled, eyes going blank. “I-I thought…”

Michael burst out laughing.

“Oh my  _god!”_ He cried, clutching his sides. “Dude! You seriously fell for that?!”

“What?!” Jeremy gasped. “But - you were so convincing!”

“I was  _this_  close to losing my shit, like, five times!” Michael laughed, falling back on the bed and letting the puppies writhe on top of him.

“You - you!” Jeremy spluttered. “I was so worried!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry!” Michael giggled, feeling a stitch grow in his side. “Oh, Christ… That was pretty sweet though.” He chuckled, looking up at Jeremy fondly. “You’d seriously stick with me if I was pregnant?”

“Of course!” Jeremy cried, grabbing his hand. “I mean, I’m pissed that you lied to me - e-even more pissed I fell for it… But of course!”

“Aww.” Michael smiled. “Even if I had five babies?”

“I’d be a stay at home dad and raise them all!” Jeremy declared, lying down next to his dumb boyfriend. “They are really cute though. What’re their names?”

“Well…” Michael drawled, sitting up so he could easily point out his babies. “The dark one with the fluff around his neck is Barkimides.. And then the one with the light patch on her right eye is Paws, and the one with the patch on his left eye is Button. Geddit?”

“Pause button.” Jeremy smiled, rolling his eyes fondly. “Clever.”

“And then the one with the light brown fur and that one dark paw is Sootie. And that leaves Tidbit.” He grinned, holding up the smallest puppy, an exact carbon copy of his mother, except for the white little sprinkles littering his back, like fawn spots. “He’s a little squirmy, but I love him.”

“I love all of them.” Jeremy said, picking up Barkimedes and settling him on his lap. “I love our babies.”

“I’m only allowed to keep one.” Michael sighed. “I don’t wanna leave ‘em, but we can’t care for all of them…”

Jeremy frowned, hating to see Michael upset.

“Well…” He said carefully. “What if our friends adopted them?”

“Seriously?” Michael said hopefully, visibly perking up. “You think they’d want to?”

“Of course!” Jeremy grinned. “Jake and Rich are total dog people. They’ve been talking about getting a dog. Why not one of yours? And our other friends would love a cute puppy.”

“You think?” Michael smiled down at the squirming puppies in his lap. “That’d be so great!”

“We can ask them at school.” Jeremy said gently, pulling Michael back down so they could lie together. “Which one are you thinking of keeping?”

“I’m not sure…” Michael frowned. “I love all of them. I mean, Paws and Button’ll have to go together… But I don’t wanna pick favorites!”

“I guess just… Let the first four go, and see who’s left?” Jeremy grimaced. “Ugh, that sounded mean. I do love them.”

“I know, Jer.” Michael smiled, giving him a quick peck. “You’re sweet. I love you. I love our family.”

“I love our family, too, Mike.” Jeremy murmured, pulling him in for another kiss. “You’re the best.”

“You too.” Michael smiled. “I mean, a little dumb, but still good.”

“Michael!”

“You thought I was pregnant!”

“Our education system is failing, Michael!”

“Shit, you right.” Michael frowned. “Oh well. I don’t care. Cuddle me!”

Jeremy smiled, pulling Michael into a hug, the puppies nestled between them.

“That, I can do.”


	7. (expensive headphones) dumb babies

“Teach me how to play?”

Michael frowned at him, raising an eyebrow.

“ _You_ want to play Apocalypse Of The Damned?”

“Yes!” Rich said indignantly, scowling at the floor. “I can play video games if I want, Mike. I have an Xbox. I’ve played Call Of Duty.”

“Okay!” Michael laughed. “Dude, chill. I was just a little shocked you wanted to play AoTD with me. I mean, you never really showed much interest.”

“Well, no…” Rich mumbled. “But ever since Jake and Jeremy have been-”

“Do  _not_  say what I think you’re going to say.”

“- _spending time together,”_ Rich said, rolling his eyes. “You’ve been complaining non stop about needing a player two, so. Why not me?”

“Alright, alright!” Michael chuckled. “Don’t have to be so defensive, man. S’just that AoTD is usually mine and Jeremy’s thing. C’mere, sit.”

Rich huffed, collapsing onto a beanbag and picking up a controller stiffly.

“Okay. How do I do this?”

“Just watch what I do.” Michael said as he selected the first level. “This one’s easy. The game doesn’t really have a tutorial mode, though, so… I guess I’ll just have to help you out.”

“Okay…” Rich mumbled, selecting a character from the screen.

“Oh - you don’t wanna pick that guy.”

“Why not? He looks awesome!”

“Dude, he’s a tank. They’re, like, super hard to master.”

“Please, Mike.” Rich rolled his eyes. “I think I can handle some video game guy with a big ass axe.”

“Alright.” Michael shrugged, a small smirk on his lips. “If you say so.”

—

“Why is he so slow?!” Rich yelled over the groan of zombies attacking him. “Just axe them, dammit!”

“I tried to tell you!” Michael laughed, sniping at the zombies easily.

“Wh- no, just - left,  _left-!_ Dammit!” Rich snapped, tossing down his controller. “What the fuck is wrong with this game?!”

“I told you to pick a different character!” Michael smirked. “You didn’t listen!”

“Fuck off!” Rich growled, reviving himself and immediately getting killed again. “Mother-!” He tossed his controller aside and folded his arms. “This game sucks!”

“Dude. This is, like, the  _easiest_  level.”

“Well, go play it with Jeremy, then!” Rich snapped, grabbing his bag. “Fuck this, I’m going home.”

“Wh- Rich, hey!” Michael frowned, catching his wrist and pulling him back. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing, I’m fine!” Rich said in a definitely not-fine voice. “Just leave me alone!”

“No, hey!” Michael said over him, holding him to his chest tightly. “See? Now you’re trapped.”

“Michael!”

“Tell me what’s wrong!”

Rich growled in the back of his throat, collapsing against Michael’s shoulder.

“It’s nothing.” He sighed. “I’m just being dumb, Mike.”

“Rich.” Michael said softly, nosing his hair. “Talk to me.”

Rich sighed again, reluctantly wrapping his arms around Michael’s waist.

“It’s just-” He huffed, hiding his face in Michael’s neck. “I know you spend time with me. Like, you always try to do that, and it’s really sweet. But it just seems like you have so much more fun with Jeremy. And I know that’s not true!” He said quickly, before Michael could protest. “I know it’s dumb, and stupid, but it’s just how it feels. Okay? So I figured - i-if I liked what you liked, maybe you could have fun with me too?”

Michael stared at him, eyes wide with…  _Something._ Rich couldn’t really tell.

“Rich-”

“I know, okay?” Rich sighed. “Please just forget it.”

“No!” Michael said over him, holding him close. “Richie, I _love_ you. You don’t need to try and like what I like to have fun with me - I have fun just being around you! I’m not gonna enjoy myself if you’re not happy, too.”

“I know that.” Rich protested. “I just - I just thought-”

“Then you thought wrong, dummy.” Michael chuckled, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I just like being with you. Have you seen me and Jeremy play video games? It’s a frickin’ mess! We’re always yelling at each other, we bicker - it’s fun, but… Not this kind of fun.” He squeezed Rich’s waist for emphasis. “I like just being with you. That’s what makes me happy.”

Rich chewed the inside of his cheek, keeping his face hidden stubbornly in Michael’s hoodie.

“You promise?”

“I  _promise.”_ Michael smiled, brushing his lips along Rich’s hairline. “Lemme see your face? Please, Richie?”

Rich groaned against Michael’s skin. “I hate you.” He sighed, lifting up his head properly. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Michael grinned, pecking his nose. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, idiot.” Rich laughed gently, leaning up on his toes for a proper kiss. “Wanna watch Netflix and cuddle?”

“If by cuddle you mean make out, then yes.”

“God.” Rich laughed. “Why do I like you?”

“’Cause I’m pretty!”

“Shit, you right.” Rich smirked, kissing Michael’s cheek. “C’mon. Gimme cuddles.”

“Roger dodger, sir!” Michael laughed, leading him to the bed. “One hot cuddle sesh, coming right up!”

“That was gross. Never say those words again.”

“You love me anyways.”

Rich chuckled, pressing his lips to Michael’s jaw.

“Yeah.” He smiled fondly. “I really do.”

Michael grinned, hugging him close to his chest.

“This makes me happy.” He murmured into Rich’s ear as the One Day At a Time theme started playing. 

“Yeah?” Rich hummed contently, leaning into his chest. “Me too.”


	8. (expensive headphones) leg broke part 2 revenge of the gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone requested a part two to leg broke from rich and michael's POV, from how they got to watching netflix in rich's room to walking in on jake and jeremy's date night.

“We can’t keep doing this.”

Rich sighed, looking up from sucking a hickey into Michael’s neck. 

“You said that the last billion times, Mell.” He said, leaning up to press kisses down Michael’s cheekbone.

“I-I know that…” Michael murmured, stuttering as Rich’s teeth grazed that little soft spot under his jaw. “But we  _seriously_ can’t keep doing this.”

“You say that every time, and yet, we  _still_  end up in the closet.” Rich shrugged. “Both literally and the gay kind.”

“I’m not closeted!” Michael huffed as Rich backed him firmly against the wall of the janitors closet. “Everyone knows I’m gay, dude. And we wouldn’t be back here if you hadn’t been so obvious in the library!”

“Yeah, everyone knows you’re gay, so why are you having a hard time admitting you want the Richard?” Rich smirked. “Get it? ‘Cause-”

“Dick is short for Richard, ha ha, very funny.” Michael scowled. Dammit, he should’ve thought of that…

“And besides, Jake was too busy non-sexually pounding Jeremy into the table. I doubt they noticed, dude.”

“Can’t you just say that Jake gave him a massage? Why do you have to be so gross all the time?”

“Oh,  _I’m_  gross?” Rich smirked, pressing his knee between Michael’s thighs. “Who’s the one who dragged me into a closet the first chance he got? Kinda like you wanna get caught, headphones.”

“Shut  _up_.” Michael groaned, pulling him into a kiss. Rich hummed happily, pushing firmly into the kiss.

“Y’know,” He murmured as he moved his lips down Michael’s neck to press kisses to his collarbones. “Seeing as we both know this isn’t gonna stop any time soon, maybe you could let me take you out on a real date?”

Michael sighed, pushing Rich away gently.

“Rich-”

“No, hear me out!” Rich said adamantly. “You’re always the one who initiates this stuff. You’re always the one who’s pulling me into closets, or practice rooms, or a fucking bathroom stall-”

“That was  _one_  time!”

“But whenever it comes to the real shit you always run and hide!” Rich huffed, keeping Michael pinned against the wall. “Look, I know your crush on Jeremy was hard for you, and I know you’re still insecure about crushes and dating and shit now, but you don’t have to be scared with me, Mike. You  _know_  you don’t. So… Give me a chance. Just one!” He said quickly, before Michael could protest. “We don’t even have to go out for some fancy meal or a movie or anything, I  _know_  you hate that. Peak anxiety zones. Just come to my place, we can load up on junk food, and then we can just chill in my room, watching Sharkboy and Lavagirl and making out during the scary parts.”

“The scary parts?” Michael frowned, raising an eyebrow. “Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl?”

“You know what I mean.” Rich smiled, nudging Michael’s chin with his forehead. “One chance. And if you decide you don’t want anything to do with me, then fine. I’ll back off. No more flirting and making out in closets, I  _promise.”_

Michael hummed, tugging on Rich’s hips gently. “Does the making out have to stop?”

“Yes, Michael.” Rich sighed, rolling his eyes fondly. “That kinda goes against you not wanting anything to do with me.”

“I never said  _that_.” Michael mumbled, brushing his lips over Rich’s forehead. “Okay, fine.  _One_  date. And you can’t tell Jake!”

“What?!” Rich cried. “Why not?!”

“Nope, no way!” Michael grinned wickedly. “You want me to give you a chance? Fine. I’m giving _you_ a chance. No help from Jake. Or anyone else that we know!”

“Ugh.” Rich groaned, leaning his head against Michael’s shoulder. “I don’t get to cheat? That’s not fair!”

“You’re so lucky you’re pretty.” Michael smirked, hugging him close. “One date. Okay?”

Rich pulled back, grinning with determination.

“Just you watch, Mell.” He said proudly. “I’m gonna romance your freaking ass off.”

—

_player-one-mell: coast clear?_

_r_goddamski: jakes gettin shit for his date w tallass ur good to go_

Michael took a deep breath, pressing one of the little buttons outside Rich and Jake’s apartment complex.

“Hello, Middleborough Sperm Bank, you squeeze it, we freeze it!” Said a tinny voice through the speaker. Michael laughed, rolling his eyes fondly, even though he knew Rich couldn’t see.

“Buzz me in, dumbass.”

“Password?”

“I’ll tell Jenna you have a tiny dick.”

“Like anyone would believe that!” Rich scoffed. He buzzed him in anyways.

“Good evening, m’lord!” Rich greeted loudly before Michael even knocked on his apartment door, bowing dramatically. “And what brings a fine man like you here this evening?”

“The promise of Netflix and junk food.” Michael’s smirk dropped to a small smile. “And maybe a cute guy, too.”

“Oh, really?” Rich grinned, looking Michael up and down. “What a coincidence, I have a cute guy coming ‘round, too. Should be arriving any minute now.”

“Yeah?” Michael chuckled, following him inside. “What’s this cute guy like, then? Think you’ll hit it off?”

“Oh, I think we already have, my good sir.” Rich smirked, waggling his eyebrows. “The guy’s so far gone for me. He’s just too dumb to admit it.”

“Really?!” Michael laughed at the declaration. “So why’re you wasting your time on this dumb guy?”

“Well, while he may be dumb as shit,” Rich smiled, trailing his hand down Michael’s arm. “He is really sweet. He’s a little scared of his feelings, and I respect that. But I’m glad he’s giving me a chance, at least. And I would be lying if I said he didn’t look damn good in this shirt.”

“… Oh.” Michael mumbled, glancing down at his shirt. It was a simple cheesecloth shirt, deep red, like his hoodie, with some simple embroidery along the collar and sleeves that he’d gotten when his family was on vacation in Turkey. His mother had told him to wear it. It was nice to know it’d payed off.

“So?” Rich smirked. “Why’re you wasting your time on your dumb guy?”

“Uh, well…” Michael said awkwardly. “H-He’s really nice. I mean, he used to be a total dick, but he’s trying really hard to change. I’ve been kind of a dick to him lately, but he told me to give him a chance, and… I  _really_  want to give him a chance, so. Yeah. Here I am.”

“Well, not that this whole exchange isn’t adorable as fuck, but I have junk food in my room that’s not gonna eat itself, so…?”

“Fuck yeah!” Michael grinned. “Lead the way, my dude!”

Rich smiled, almost nervously, tugging Michael to his bedroom.

“Okay.” He said before he opened the door. “I  _may_  have gone a little overboard here, so you’ll either really like it…  _Or_  you’ll think I’m a freak and run screaming.”

“Well you’ve intrigued me now, so I’m willing to take that risk.” Michael shrugged.

“Awesome.” Rich smiled, opening the door. “Tadaa!”

Michael gaped at the organised chaos of Rich’s room.

“Is… Is that a fort?”

“Mayhaps.” Rich mumbled, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “I remembered you said you and Jeremy used to make these all the time. I may have gone a little overboard with the Christmas lights, though…”

“Wh- no! Rich, this is-!” Michael laughed gently, looking at the small fort propped between Rich’s bed and his desk, all blankets and cushions and pegs sticking out at funny angles. “This is amazing. Seriously. I - I can’t believe you did this…”

“Yeah, well.” Rich mumbled. “You’re cute. So.”

“C’mon.” Michael chuckled, pulling him to the fort. “This is a good start, but we still have the rest of the date for me to judge you.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Rich grinned. “I have got this in the bag, Mell. Prepare to have your mind blown!”

—

Okay, so maybe walking in on Jeremy giving Jake a totally not sexual leg massage (mhm, sure, Jake) was a little bit of a mood killer. But for the most part, the date went off without a hitch. They watched Sharkboy and Lavagirl, they engaged in a small food war and fought over the last packet of twizzlers (Rich totally let Michael win, B-T-dubs), and Michael did let Rich make out with him during the scary parts, which was very nice of him, though he did make Rich turn around his stuffed bear so it wasn’t looking at them (”We don’t know if it’s sentient or not, Rich! Who knows what it could see?!”). Rich had even busted out a box of 80s candy he bought off the internet.

“Well.” Michael said finally as the credits began to roll. “This was definitely a date.”

Rich paused the movie, waiting for the rest of the sentence.

 _“And?”_ He prompted. “Good date? Bad date?”

“Well…” Michael tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You get points for the sweet talk at the beginning. Double points for the epic fort. Making out was also very nice, points for that. I will admit, it went a little off track with the whole Jake/Jeremy leg fetish thing, but you still pulled through in the end with that retro candy.”

“So?” Rich grinned hopefully. “What’s the verdict?”

Michael smiled softly, nudging Rich’s hand with his own.

“Rich Goranski, would you like to go out sometime?”

“Yes!” Rich cheered, tackling Michael into a hug and sending him to the fort floor. At least he landed on a pillow. “I told you! I told you I could do it!”

“Yep!” Michael laughed. “Yep, you did! Well done, Richie!”

“I am the greatest date planner to ever live!” Rich declared, straddling Michael’s hips so he could look down at him fondly. “Thanks for giving me a chance, Mike.”

Michael let a small smile spread across his face, leaning up to peck Rich’s lips gently.

“Best decision I ever made.” He said quietly against Rich’s lips, the words tracing over his skin. “You’d better not make me regret it, Richard.”

Rich chuckled, leaning down to give him another quick kiss.

“I’ll try my best.”

He really would.

“Awesome.” Michael smiled. “I will, too. No running and hiding. Promise.”

“I’m still up for making out in the janitors closet, though.”

“Thank  _fuck!”_ Michael groaned in relief. “I was so worried, holy shit! That’s like, the highlight of my day, I  _cannot_  let that go!”

“Good.” Rich smiled, brushing his lips over Michael’s mouth, nose, cheeks, everything. “‘Cause you won’t have to. ‘Cause guess what?”

“What?”

“We’re boyfriends now!”

Michael chuckled, rolling them over so they were both on their sides, hugging each other close.

“Boyfriends.” He smiled gently, kissing Rich’s hair. “I like the sound of that.”


	9. (pinkberry) rain drop, drop drop, please just make it stop stop

Chloe had been planning this trip for days. No, not days, exactly two weeks, four days and fifteen hours. The whole SQUIP squad was coming up to her uncles cabin for winter break, and she’d taken it upon herself to plan all of it.  _All of it._ Every highway, road, rest stop, luggage, car snack, even the goddamn music they’d listen to. And she was not about to let a goddamn thunderstorm change that. You know why? Because Chloe was a mother fucking  _Valentine_. And Valentines did not let something like the dumbass weather keep them from kicking ass twenty four seven.

Brooke, however, did not seem to give a damn.

“Brookie.” Chloe said through gritted teeth as she gripped the steering wheel, white knuckled. “You know I love you. And you know I think you’re absolutely wonderful in every single way. Right?”

“Of course!” Brooke smiled, that perfect sunshine smile that made Chloe forget her own name sometimes,  _damn her_.

“So I’m sure you’ll understand when I tell you you are being goddamn insane, right?”

“It’s hardly  _insane,_  Chlo.” Brooke scoffed, rolling her eyes fondly. “I just wanna stop and feel the rain for a bit, that’s all!”

“We are in the middle of a thunderstorm and you wanna ‘ _stop and feel the rain’?!”_

“Oh, c’mon, Chlo, it’s hardly a thunderstorm.” Brooke snorted, like Chloe was being the unreasonable one here. “The rain’s nice!”

“Not with this hair, it isn’t!”

“I still don’t know why you spent so much time on that.” Brooke sighed. “We’ve been on the road all day, and we’re not gonna get to the cabin until, like, eleven.”

“ _No,_ not  _like_  eleven,  _exactly_  eleven!” Chloe snapped. “Brooke, I have been planning this trip for weeks-!”

“Which is why we should stop!” Brooke argued, that stupid perfect beautiful smile still on her lips. “C’mon, Chlo, you  _always_ do this! Can’t you just go with the flow for once?”

“I do not  _flow,_ I  _march_ , like a fucking warrior goddess going into battle.” Chloe said stiffly. “And goddesses do not stop for the rain, Brooke!”

“I’m pretty sure there are rain goddesses.” Brooke hummed thoughtfully. “Chloe, not everything in your life has to go according to plan. I mean…” She smiled gently, reaching across the console to link their hands together. “You never planned on this happening. And I honestly think this is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Fuck. Why did she have to be so cute?! She had to know what she was doing, right?! Damn her!

Chloe growled in the back of her throat, pulling over the car.

“Get out!”

“What?”

“You want to feel the rain?!” She snapped, pulling her backpack over her head as she got out of the car. “We’re gonna feel the  _fucking_ rain!”

“Wait - Chloe!” Brooke yelped, jumping out of car and jogging to Chloe’s door. “We don’t actually have to stop if you don’t want to!”

“No, fuck off, you’re adorable and I love you and we’re feeling the goddamn rain!” Chloe huffed, standing on the side of the road and trying not to shiver.

“Are you sure? W-We really don’t have to-”

“Feel the goddamn rain, Brooke!”

Brooke looked like she wanted to protest, but looked to the side and pulled her yellow jacket around her tightly, like a comfort blanket.

“If it’s really okay…” She mumbled, standing next to her girlfriend. Chloe huffed again and shivered slightly, holding her bag over her head as she glared at the rain. Ugh. Stupid rain.

“I really don’t get you.” Chloe muttered. “What’s so great about the dumb rain? It messes up your hair, gets your clothes all wet and uncomfortable, it’s cold… I don’t get it.”

“Well…” Brooke said softly, hard to hear over the drumming of the raindrops. “I guess because… It’s kind of like music.”

“Music?”

“Yeah.” Brooke smiled. “Can’t you hear it? Just listen. Close your eyes and listen real carefully, okay?”

Chloe sighed, screwing her eyes shut.

“I hear rain.”

Brooke rolled her eyes, taking Chloe’s hands.

“That’s because you’re not doing it right.” She said gently, which was stupid because how could Chloe be listening wrong? “Just - here. Focus on me. Focus on the movements. And just try to listen, okay?”

Slowly, Brooke swayed them back and forth, stepping gently to an imaginary rhythm.

“So we’re dancing in the rain.” Chloe said simply. “Cute. Romantic. Still don’t get it.”

“I’m not done yet.” Brooke smiled, fondly exasperated at Chloe’s frustration. Quickly, she pulled Chloe close, spinning her around, her feet skipping across the ground. Chloe could only try to keep up.

“Whoa - Brooke, hey-!” The words died in her throat.

Brooke was grinning wide, her hair limp, sticking to her face like a collie. Droplets of rain clung to her skin and her eyelashes, sparkling as they caught the light of the streetlamps. She looked like she was made of light.

“So?” Brooke smiled as their dance slowed to a stop. “Do you get it now?”

“Not really…” Chloe said slowly, wrapping her arms around Brooke’s waist. “But I got something.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Brooke smiled gently, pecking Chloe’s nose. “Your mascara’s running, by the way.”

“What?!” Chloe gasped as Brooke ducked under her arm and raced back to the car. “You - Brooke! You owe me so many kisses for this!”


	10. (expensive headphones) sort of fake dating but not quite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> request - "kiss me" expensive headphones

13\. "Kiss me."

“Uh.” Rich froze. “What?”

“Kiss me.” Michael repeated, still not looking at him. “Please?”

It wasn’t like Rich didn’t want to. Michael was cute, and funny, and maybe Rich had a bit of a crush on him so of  _course_  he wanted to. He and Michael were… Sort of friends. They sat next to each other in philosophy, Rich left pen lines on Michael’s arms to annoy him, they’d playfully steal each others pencil cases or whatever - but they never really hung out outside of class. And they  _definitely_  weren’t close enough for Michael to ask him to kiss him. Especially not in the middle of a study session that  _Michael_  had proposed.

“I-I just…” Michael mumbled, glancing off to the side. “You see the guy over there?”

Rich frowned, following Michael’s gaze. Across the library, in the corner, was a big group of those classic douchebags you wished you could’ve left behind in highschool. But no, there’s always one group.

Rich looked at the person Michael was looking at - he was average height, man bun, wearing a sleeveless hoodie (good god, at least have some kind of arm muscle to show off, come on, man!) and cargo shorts. Quite possible the whitest person Rich had ever seen. All he needed was unironic dreadlocks and a vape - oh, no, there’s the vape, right in his pocket, okay.

But there was one thing that make Rich completely cringe, and that was the way that guy was looking at Michael.

“What’s his deal?” Rich frowned.

“He - well…” Michael mumbled, clearly uncomfortable. “We kind of - made out at a party one time.”

Rich clapped a hand over his mouth to smother his snort.

“Don’t!” Michael hissed. “It was just a massive mistake, okay, I was drunk, and-”

“Oh, no, no, you don’t have to explain yourself!” Rich gasped with laughter. “I mean - wh-who wouldn’t want to get all up on that greasy, cheeto stained, vape hotbox mouth?”

“Shut up!” Michael whined, slapping his shoulder. “This is serious!”

Rich moved his gaze back to White Man. The moment he saw how he was eyeing up Michael, his laughing immediately stopped.

“Okay, fine.” Rich sighed. “What’d you do? Tell Uncle Richie what’s wrong.”

“First of all, ew.” Michael grimaced. “And second - he keeps being all…  _Weird_  around me. A-And I’m not saying that for attention or anything!” He said quickly. “Like - I-I have  _no_  idea why he’s interested, but… I dunno, he just… We have a psych class together and he’s insisted on sitting next to me ever since then and… He acts like I need him? Like we have this big unspoken chemistry when all that happened was I was drunk and saw his manbun and assumed he was Hozier.”

Rich snorted again, drawing more attention from White Man.

“Shut up!” Michael hissed. “I was drunk, it was an honest mistake! But now he just won’t leave me alone, and… M-Maybe if I just show him I’m not interested…” He trailed off and nibbled on his lip - those lovely, full lips Rich had fantasized quite a few times of kissing and okay  _no,_ no, he was not going to do this, Rich Goranski did not kiss sort-of-maybe-classroom friends, especially ones who clearly weren’t interested!

“Sorry.” Michael mumbled and oh  _god_  Rich hated it when he looked upset. “That - That was probably weird, let’s just forget-”

“Okay.”

Wait. What? No. He was not supposed to say that, he was  _definitely_  not supposed to say that.

Michael gaped at him, lips slightly parted and oh god Rich wanted to kiss him so bad please just this once-

“You would?” Michael murmured softly. Rich has never wanted to kiss a voice more in his life, feel Michael’s mouth shape the words against his own, feel him whisper against his lips and-

“Yeah.” Rich said quickly. “I-I mean, I don’t want you being stalked by that freak forever.

“O-Okay!” Michael smiled wide, almost breathless. “Well - uh - I-I don’t, um…” He frowned, looking away. “I don’t really know…”

“You don’t know how to kiss someone?” Rich frowned. “I thought you kissed White Guy over there?”

“His name’s Derek.” Michael clarified, and Rich almost groaned because  _of course it was fucking Derek._ ”And yes, I did, but I was drunk and I didn’t know what I was doing and - it’s not like drunk me could control who my first kiss was!”

“Whoa,  _whoa!”_ Rich interrupted. “That guy was your first kiss?”

Michael gulped, scowling at the floor. “M-Maybe…”

“Your first kiss was with  _cheeto lips_  over there?”

“Just - shut up!” Michael snapped. “Look, it was a mistake, I’m admitting that-”

“No, shut up!” Rich cut him off, turning in his chair so he was facing him properly. “No fucking way am I letting that be your first kiss.” He grumbled, taking Michael’s face in his hands.

“Uh.” Michael floundered, cheeks flushing red. “R-Rich?” 

“Do you want me to do this?” Rich said firmly, because he has to know, he can’t let himself do this if he’s going to make Michael regret it like he did with fucking  _Derek._

Michael swallowed, wetting his lips slightly, Rich’s eyes zeroing in on the action.

“Yes.”

And that’s enough.

Rich slowly pulls him forward, leaning in, waiting for Michael’s eyes to flutter shut before he follows suit. He tilts his head so their noses don’t bump and lets his hands rest against Michael’s jaw softly. Their lips touch, and he feels Michael gasp against him softly as he presses into him, keeping his side of the kiss slow and sweet, letting Michael take his time and not get overwhelmed. 

Gently, he swiped his tongue against Michael’s lower lip - not teasing, but testing, trying to see how far he wanted to take this. He didn’t expect Michael to whimper against his lips and part them for him.

They should probably stop - they’ve proved their point, he shouldn’t be taking advantage of this, he  _shouldn’t-_

But then Michael’s lips are moving gently against his, shaping the sounds of Rich’s own name into his mouth, and he’s swept up in this wave he’s unleashed.

He hums gently, slowly probing his tongue further into Michael’s mouth, trying to coax him into playing along. One of his hands moves from Michael’s jaw to his waist, and Michael blindly grabs for his shoulder and his hip, one thumb moving tantalizingly along his hipbone.

Rich was content to stay like that, pressing, touching,  _Michael_ , but then someone’s hand was one his shoulder, forcibly pushing them apart.

“What the  _fuck_  is this?!” White Man sneered. Rich swallowed heavily. He was… A lot more intimidating up close.

“ _This,”_ Michael said firmly from across the table, taking Rich’s hand in his own. “Is me studying with my boyfriend. Remember?”

White Man - Derek, his name was  _Derek -_   turned and scowled at him in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“I told you I had a boyfriend.” Michael shrugged. Rich made a small squeak in the back of his throat, like a dying hamster.

“Yes!” He squeaked. “I-I - I am boyfriend.”

Derek glared at him, lips pulled back in an ugly snarl, before turning back to Michael.

“What the  _fuck_ , Mike?!” He snapped. “You give me all these fucking mixed signals and then expect me to believe you have a boyfriend?!”

“Mixed signals?!” Michael recoiled. “I haven’t been giving you mixed anything, I kissed you  _once_ , three months ago, and you haven’t left me alone since!”

“So.” Rich said, trying to make his voice low and threatening. “This is the guy who’s been giving you trouble, Micah?”

Derek - fuck it, Rich wants to call him White Man, he’s calling him White Man - whirled around to face him, glaring at him in disbelief. From the corner of his eye, Rich could see a blush growing on Michael’s cheeks.

“Your fucking  _boyfriend_  is the one who wants me, asshole.” White Man snarled.

“Yeah?” Rich smirked lazily. “Fuckin’ doubt that. Maybe wash your hair once in a while and maybe he’d be into it. Michael?”

“No way.” Michael shook his head. “Nothing could make me be into that.”

“Well, case closed.” Rich smiled, rising from the desk with Michael following suit. “If you’ll excuse us…”

“I can treat you so much better than him, baby.” White Man grinned like a predator cornering it’s prey, shoving Michael back down into his seat. “Fucking look at him, why’d you want him?” He glared, turning to look Rich up and down in disgust. “What the fuck are those, huh?” He grinned mockingly, poking the burn scars on Rich’s arm. Michael’s eyes darkened dangerously.

“You think I don’t hear those rumors?” White Man mocked. “About what happened in your junior year? How you burnt down some fuckers house like the crazy bastard you are?!” He was yelling now. Rich felt his stomach drop like iron, keeping him anchored to the spot, run, run,  _run!_

White Man walked towards him, shoving him roughly and making him stumble.

“Just a crazy fucking arson-”

A loud  _thwack_ stopped his monologuing. 

Michael froze where he was standing above where White Man was writhing in pain on the floor, a small spot of blood on his knuckles, eyes wide in shock and horror.

“Mother  _fucker!”_ White Man screamed on the floor. “You fucking broke my nose!”

Rich lunged forward and grabbed Michael’s wrist in one hand and their backpacks in the other.

_”Run!”_

—

What felt like a millennia later, when they were hidden in the safety of Michael’s dorm room, they both collapsed against the door, sinking to the floor and panting hard.

“Well.” Rich laughed breathlessly. “How’s that for a first kiss?”

“Uh…” Michael panted, head leaned back against the door. “Eventful?” He chuckled, head lolling onto Rich’s shoulder. “Fuck.”

“Fuck is correct.” Rich sighed, letting his head rest on Michael’s own. He was too tired to argue with himself.

“I wish it was.”

“Huh?”

“My first.” Michael clarified. “I wish it was. That was…” He trailed off. Rich felt Michael’s fingers brushing his own. He probably didn’t realize, it had to be the exhaustion,  _don’t freak out, Richard!_

”Eh, c’mon.” Rich smirked. “Drunk kisses don’t count.”

“Yeah?” Michael smiled, leaning up to look him in the eye properly.

“Uh.” Rich fumbled under Michael’s gaze. “Yeah.”

“Well…” Michael mumbled. “Maybe… You could kiss me again sometime? Preferably with less weirdo white guys?”

Rich froze. No way. No way was this real. He was so dreaming. That guy must’ve punched him so hard he went into a coma. He was going to wake up any second now.

“Rich?” Michael frowned, cupping his face gently, and okay, there was no way that warmth was fake.

“Yes!” Rich blurted.

Michael’s  ~~perfect~~  lips twitched into a small smile. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Rich sighed, smiling at this perfect boy in front of him. “I-I’d, um - I’d really like that.”

“Awesome…” Michael chuckled breathlessly, eyes flicking down to Rich’s lips. “Well, uh…”

Rich felt himself leaning forward. 

“Yeah?”

“Um.” Michael mumbled, eyelids drooping lazily as he took Rich’s jaw in his hand firmly. “M-Maybe we could…”

His eyes fluttered shut. He was so close. And just as their lips were about to touch, Rich lunged forward and licked his cheek.

“Wh-!” Michael spluttered as Rich jumped up and ducked out of his dorm room, cackling like a madman.

“Hey!” Michael snapped as Rich sprinted away. “Get back here and gimme a real kiss, asshole!”

“Wait until the date!” Rich laughed, a spring in his step.

“What?!” Michael spluttered. “Why?!”

_“Compensation!”_


	11. (deere) kissy kissy kissy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yknow a better title would've been something like "out of my league" or whatever but unfortunately i am incapable of writing serious titles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 115\. “you’re the perfect combination of cute and sexy.”
> 
> 110\. “you’re hiding under that blanket because you’re blushing?” (i may have changed the wording for that one)

 

“Why are you with me?”

Jake blinked down at his boyfriend curled next to him on his bed. He and Rich were too poor for heating, so he and Jeremy had to huddle for warmth on his bed, swaddled in blankets and pillows and the little stuffed Squirtle Jeremy bought him for his birthday. It had been nice. Warm. Comfortable. But Jeremy’s question made Jake feel icy cold. 

“Uh. What?”

Jeremy squirmed next to him, wrapping his cardigan around him tightly.

“I-I mean…” He mumbled awkwardly. “I’m not… I’m not pretty. Or handsome, or - or gorgeous, like… Like you. I just… I don’t get it.”

“What are you saying?” Jake frowned. “You… You don’t want me to date you because - what, I’m too pretty for you?”

“Wh- no!” Jeremy squeaked. “N-No, no, I love dating you, I-I don’t want you to stop, I just - I…”

Jake waited patiently for him to find his words. He was so good. He never pressed, never got frustrated. He was too good. Jeremy didn’t deserve him.

Jeremy sighed, flopping back on the bed so he didn’t have to look at Jake’s honest eyes.

“Are you really gonna make me say it?” He sighed.

“Say what?” Jake’s voice was cautious. Jeremy huffed through his nose, looking at Jake with an empty, hollow gaze.

“You’re out of my league.” He said flatly. “Happy? You’re amazing, I’m not. You could have anyone you wanted and you’re stuck with me.”

Jake looked at him like Jeremy had just stabbed him through the chest.

“… Okay, no.” He said stubbornly, grabbing Jeremy by his jacket and pulling him upwards so they were eye to eye.

Jeremy squeaked at the close contact. “J-Jake?”

“I love you.” Jake said firmly, making Jeremy gasp softly. “Did you know that? I love you. And do you know why?”

Jeremy swallowed, slowly shaking his head.

“Because you don’t try to be perfect for me.”

Jeremy blinked. “Um.” He mumbled. “I-I don’t-”

“You get nervous, sure.” Jake continued. “You have insecurities and that’s fine. Everyone does. I do. But you never change. You’re so perfectly you that it  _hurts,_ Jer. You know why it hurts?”

Jeremy bit his lip, shaking his head again.

“It hurts because I want that.” Jake said gently. “I want to be like you. I want to like what I like and only listen to me and what I want. Like  _you_ , Jeremy.”

Jeremy shook his head slowly. That wasn’t right. He wasn’t like that. He was gross and geeky and weird and-

“You’re wonderful.” Jake sighed, leaning forward to lean his forehead against Jeremy’s. “You get scared, but you don’t let it stop you. You keep going, you have ups and downs but you  _keep going,_ you - you are so unbelievably out of my league, Jeremy Heere. And that’s why I’m with you. Because I want to be like you. Because I love you.”

Jeremy bit his lip as tears welled in his eyes.

“But…” He whispered, voice cracking. “I-I’m not - I’m so - I h-have acne and I’m pale and I’m greasy and I don’t have muscle, I have flab, just - g-gross arm flab, and it’s not even cute like Michael’s or C-Christine’s it’s just  _weird_ and it hangs off and it’s - y-you don’t - you shouldn’t be with-!”

“You’re so beautiful, Jer.” Jake murmured, pulling him into his lap. “You’re cute and pretty and kind - you have this little freckle right  _here_ , did you know that?” He chuckled gently, poking the corner of Jeremy’s mouth. “It’s beautiful, I fucking love it. And maybe you’re not everyone’s type but no one is!” He cupped Jeremy’s jaw, gently encouraging him to look at him. “What matters is you’re my type. You’re soft and small - fuck, I could just carry you around in my pocket, Jer, you’re so sweet…” He smiled gently, holding Jeremy close to his chest. “You’re just - you’re the perfect combination of cute and sexy, Jeremy, how are you not seeing this?”

Jeremy shrieked, burying his face in Jake’s chest.

“Y-You!” He squeaked, pulling his cardigan over his head. “Sh-Shut up!”

“Not until you see reason!” Jake laughed, grabbing Jeremy by the waist and flopping backwards so Jeremy was sprawled over him like a soft little blanket.

“Jake!” Jeremy whined, his face steadily flushing. “Let me go!”

“Nope, sorry, you’re trapped forever!” Jake grinned, even though it was clear Jeremy was making no attempt to escape. 

Jeremy whined helplessly, smushing his cheek against Jake’s collarbone. They rested there in silence for a moment, Jeremy curling in on himself protectively and Jake holding him steady.

“Jer?” Jake said quietly, breaking the silence. “You know I love you, right?”

“I know.” Jeremy mumbled. “It’s just… Hard. Sometimes. You’re so beautiful, and I know you think I am too but… It’s just kinda hard to see it that way.”

“Yeah?” Jake hummed, leaning them up so he was sitting with Jeremy perched in his lap. “Guess we’ll just have to change that.” He smirked, pressing a kiss to Jeremy’s cheek and letting it linger, making him let out a terrible squeak.

“J-Jake!” He whimpered. “What - w-what are you-?”

“I love your cute little face.” Jake smiled, kissing his other cheek. “Your cheeks are so soft, so good for kissing.”

He pressed soft, gentle kisses to Jeremy’s eyelids, letting his lips brush against the tender skin and slowly pulling away, as if afraid to press too hard.

“I love your eyes.” He murmured. “They’re so bright. They shine so pretty when you talk about theater or video games or whatever.” He brushes his lips over the corners of his eyes, dragging them over the little creases in the skin. “They crinkle when you smile. It’s adorable.”

Jeremy sighs gently, leaning in to his soft touch. He whimpered when Jake pulled his arm forward and pushed up his cardigan sleeve, kissing down the tender skin.

“I love your arms, too. I know you hate ‘em, but I do.” He mumbled against the soft muscle on the inside of his upper arm. “So soft. You’re so ticklish, babe. God, you’re just cute everywhere, huh?”

Jeremy tried to protest, but he couldn’t focus on anything but Jake’s lips against his skin. Jake smirked, pushing his cardigan sleeve back down, and leaned down so he was bent almost in half, pushing up Jeremy’s shirt and kissing the squishy skin of his stomach, making Jeremy let out a terrible squeak.

“J-Jake!” He squealed. “D-Don’t - not there!”

“You don’t like it?” Jake frowned, pausing in his movements. Jeremy bit his lip, drawing his arms around his waist nervously.

“I-It feels nice…” He murmured, not able to lie under Jake’s trusting gaze. “I just… Y-You don’t have to kiss me there…”

”But I want to.” Jake said simply, letting his lips just barely brush against his tummy. “Can I?”

Jeremy let out a tiny squeak and squeezed his eyes shut, giving a small and shaky nod. Jake smiled against his skin, leaning forward to give the tender skin a proper kiss and relishing in the tiny sound Jeremy made.

“You’ve got such a cute tummy, Jerm.” He chuckled against him. “So squishy and comfy. Perfect pillow. You’re just pretty everywhere, aren’t you?”

Jeremy squealed, shoving Jake off of him and burying himself in one of their blankets.

“Jeremy?” Jake said quickly, concern seeping into his voice. “Are - are you okay? Did I - Was that not good? I-I’m sorry, I should’ve stopped-”

“Shut up!” Jeremy shrieked under the blanket. “Stop - stop doing that!”

“What?” Jake asked, sounding genuinely scared. “Tell me what’s wrong, I promise I’ll stop!”

 _”That!”_ Jeremy yelled, letting his hand peek through the blanket to point at him accusingly. “Stop being so sweet!”

Jake blinked.

“Um.” He mumbled. “I - I’m sorry?”

“You should be!” Jeremy huffed. “Stop being so nice and - t-touchy, it’s embarrassing!”

The pieces clicked, and Jake couldn’t help but smile.

“Jer.” He chuckled fondly. “Are you hiding under there ‘cuz you’re embarrassed?”

“No!” Jeremy snapped indignantly. “Y-You - you’re just - you’re so - sh-shut up!”

“Aw, babe!” Jake laughed, shuffling towards the squirming pile of blanket and pulling it into his lap. “C’mon, sweetie. Lemme see your pretty face?”

Jeremy whined pitifully, slowly poking his head out from under the blanket and peeking up at his stupid hot caring boyfriend.

“Hi.” He mumbled. Jake smiled brightly, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose.

“Hi.”

“Sorry I hid.” Jeremy sighed, leaning against his boyfriend’s shoulder. “It’s just - I love how sweet you are, but… It was just too much. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jake smiled, letting his cheek glide against Jeremy’s and humming contently at the warmth from his blush. “It’s okay you don’t see yourself the way I see you. Just means I can keep on reminding you of it ‘til you do.”

“You’ll probably be waiting a while.” Jeremy chuckled, leaning forward to brush his lips against Jake’s cheekbone.

“Eh, that’s okay.” Jake shrugged, leaning back so he could look at Jeremy properly. “You’re worth the wait.”

Jeremy’s blush darkened, and he peeked up at Jake from under his lashes.

“Y-You, um. You promise?”

Jake chuckled, leaning them down so they were lying on their sides, Jeremy tucked protectively beneath his chin and under his arms.

“Promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i also take other requests than just number prompts! it may take me some time to get around to them though


	12. (spicy bis) welsh is sexy yall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL THIS ONE WAS REQUESTED BY VERANILOH WHAT THE FUCK
> 
> THEY MADE AWESOME SPIDER JER ART AND THEIR ART IS JUST AMAZING IN GENERAL AND IF YOU HAVENT CHECKED OUT THEIR TUMBLR YOU SHOULD
> 
> @VERANILOH
> 
> CHECK IT OUT
> 
> (16. “i think i might be falling in love with you”)

 

It’s hardly a romantic story.

It wasn’t even romantic to begin with. No love at first sight, no meeting each others eyes from across a crowded room. They just hung out because they had to. Their SQUIPs were synchronized now. They had the same goal. Therefore, they were on the same team.

Now, it was different. They didn’t have any goals or targets or weird world domination missions anymore. Honestly, Jeremy kind of thought they’d just stop hanging out all together once the SQUIP was shut down. He was actually kind of disappointed about it. Sure, hanging out because they had to keep up the whole popular image was annoying, but Jeremy liked hanging out with Rich. He was funny. Cool. And sure, he was kind of a dick with his SQUIP, but he still had these little flickers of the Real Rich Goranski coming through. He was sad to see it go.

But then Rich sat next to him at lunch. And helped him out in Calc. And invited him over to play XBox. And got invited over to Jeremy’s to play Sonic 06 and Ocarina of Time because frankly his taste in video games was just appalling.

And then Rich took him out for dinner, and he insisted it wasn’t a date when Jeremy asked but he knew. And then Jeremy kissed him on the cheek before he went inside. And then he walked back out again and gave him a proper kiss, because just one wasn’t enough. And then they did it again. And again and again and again.

And now they’re here.

“Shit!” Jeremy yelped as Rich choked his way through a cloud of flour. “Rich, I think that was too much!”

“Looks like thirty grams to me.” Rich shrugged. “Where’s the salt?”

“Thirty - did you even read the recipe?!”

“I’m eyeballing it!” Rich protested. “C’mon, man, trust my judgement! I am a fountain of wisdom! Who’s the one who told you to mix Seven Up and Coke?”

“It tasted like ice lollies.” Jeremy sighed wistfully at the memory. So sugary… “Okay, fine.” He huffs. “I trust you.”

“Thanks.” Rich smiled gratefully, dimples and all, making Jeremy’s stomach do a little flip. “Oh!” He laughed gently, leaning forward. “You have a little smudge.”

“Oh, shoot, I’m sor-” He cut himself off as Rich cupped his jaw and pressed his lips to the corner of Jeremy’s mouth.

“There.” Rich smiled gently. “All good.” 

Jeremy swallowed audibly, trying to keep his heart rate down. Curse his stupid hot boyfriend…

“Now!” Rich grinned, tipping the salt shaker into the bowl. “One punch of salt…”

“Pinch!” Jeremy yelped, breaking out of his trance. “One pinch!”

“Too bad, Jer, I’m a salty bitch!”

oOo

“Well, it’s official.” Jeremy sighed. “These are the worst cookies I have ever tasted.”

“They were supposed to be cookies?” Rich frowned from where he was sprawled next to Jeremy on his bed.

“What did you  _think_ they were supposed to be?!”

“I dunno, man, I was just going with the flow.” Rich shrugged, munching on a burnt, salty, barely-even-counts-as-a-cookie cookie. He grimaced. “Man, these are gross.”

“Then stop eating them?”

Rich looked him dead in the eye and bit down on the rock solid cookie.

“Fight me.”

“No thanks, I actually value my life.”

“Really?”

Jeremy frowned. That was kind of a loaded question - to him, at least. He glanced at Rich sprawled next to him, cheerfully munching on their disgusting cookies, a burnt crumb resting on his cheek.

“Yeah.” He said quietly, leaning forward and kissing the crumb away. “It’s pretty good.”

“… Dammit.” Rich mumbled, voice cracking. “Since when did you get so smooth?” 

“Excuse you, I am the smoothest!” Jeremy said indignantly. “I’m - I’m like smooth peanut butter!”

“Feel like you could’ve just said ‘smoothie’, Jer.”

“Dammit.” Jeremy huffed, collapsing against Rich’s chest. “Make your brain stop. It’s too clever.”

“Sorry, can’t.” Rich smirked, pecking his forehead fondly. “We should do this again.”

“You seriously wanna try baking again?” Jeremy snorted.

“Yeah!” Rich grinned wide. “We should make Welsh cakes next! I promise I’ll take it seriously!”

“Welsh cakes?” Jeremy smiled curiously. “What’re those?”

“You’ve never had Welsh cakes?!” Rich gasped, his face appalled.

“Um. No?”

Rich gaped at him in shock and horror.

“I…” He sat up shakily. “I have to go, I’m sorry, I can’t be here.”

“Wait!” Jeremy laughed, grabbing Rich by the waist and pulling him back down. “Baby, don’t go!”

“Hey!” Rich protested, flipping them over so Jeremy was resting on top of him. “I’m the one who calls you baby, you can’t just flip it on me!”

“Too bad, baby.” Jeremy smirked, pecking the tip of his nose and giggling at Rich’s bright flush. “C’mon.” He sighed, snuggling against Rich’s chest. “Cuddle with me.”

“Seriously?” Rich snorted, turning them again so they were both resting on their sides. “You’re so cold!”

“And you’re warm! You balance me out!”

“Don’t try to be sweet with me when you’ve just admitted you’ve never had the greatest dessert of all time!”

“Seriously?” Jeremy sighed. “What even are Welsh cakes, anyways?”

“I can’t believe you.” Rich said gravely. “Jeremy - imagine a muffin had unprotected sex with a pancake.”

“I really don’t want to.”

“You know what I mean!” Rich snorted. “C’mon, they’re delicious! I can’t believe you’ve never tried them. I can’t be with someone who’s never tried Welsh cakes.”

“Then I guess we’ll have to make some.” Jeremy smiled, burying into Rich’s solid warmth. “Since when are you so Welsh, anyways?”

“Uh.” Rich frowned. “Since always?”

Jeremy poked his head up from Rich’s chest. “Huh?”

“You - you do know I’m Welsh, right?”

“What?!” Jeremy frowned. “Wh- but - I thought-?”

“Oh my god!” Rich cackled. “I can’t believe you didn’t know I was Welsh! Dude, I know I kinda hid it with the SQUIP but I’ve been pretty open about for ages! My mom was from Anglesey, I’m a proud Welshie!”

“Wh- no!” Jeremy squawked. “No, you’re fucking with me!”

“I promise you I am not!”

“W-Well, prove it!” Jeremy squeaked. “Say something Welsh-ic!”

“Just called ‘Welsh’, babe.” Rich smirked. “Okay, uh -  _rydych chi’n ffyrnig.”_

… Fuck that was hot.

“O-Oh…” Jeremy mumbled, trying not to focus on the rough sounds and the vibrations he could feel in Rich’s chest and fuck he was so bi. “What, um. W-What’d that mean?”

“I called you a furry.”

“Rich!” Jeremy squawked, slapping his chest. “Shut up, I thought you were being romantic!”

“I can be romantic!” Rich protested. “Check this out, I’ll romance your freakin’ ass off!”

“How elegant.” Jeremy rolled his eyes fondly.

“Oh yeah?” Rich smirked, pulling Jeremy close so they were almost nose to nose and whispered into his ear, _“Chi ydy'r peth mwyaf prydferth a welais i erioed.”_

”Um!” Jeremy squeaked. “W-What, um, w-what did that mean?”

“I said…” Rich smiled, pressing a kiss to Jeremy’s neck. “That you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh…” Jeremy whispered, feeling his face flush. “Um. H-How would I say, uh - y-you look hot?”

Rich snorted, pressing another kiss behind his ear. “Well, hot is ‘ _poeth’_ but that’d be more, like, physically hot? If you’re tryna say sexy, that’d be ‘ _rhywiol’_  but most people just say ‘ _secsi’,_ so… I guess just ‘ _ti’n edrych yn secsi’?”_

”W-Well - that. For you.” Jeremy mumbled. “You, uh… Yeah.”

Rich smiled gently, pulling back so he could look at Jeremy properly. His brow twitched as he scanned Jeremy’s face for… Something.

“Rich?” Jeremy frowned. He looked confused. Conflicted. “Are you okay?”

 _”Dwi’n meddwl…”_ Rich murmured, looking into Jeremy’s eyes.  _”Dwi’n caru ti.”_

“Um!” Fuck that was pretty. “W-What, uh - w-were you calling me a furry again?”

“I think you should figure that one out.” Rich smirked, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I, uh - I think I should get going.”

“What?” Jeremy frowned, anxiety pooling in his gut.

“It’s okay, babe.” Rich chuckled, kissing him gently. “Just - figure it out, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jeremy frowned as Rich left, immediately grabbing his laptop. If Rich wanted to be cryptic, then fine. He’d figure it out. And then he’d go over to Rich’s and yell at him for walking out on his well earned cuddle time!

oOo

Rich groaned as someone pounded on his and Jake’s apartment door.

“Dude, fuck off!” He huffed as he stomped to open the door. “Whatever you’re selling, we don’t wanna buy!”

Jeremy smiled at him gently, holding out a bag of Welsh cakes.

“I love you too, moron. Now c’mon, you owe me at least ten minutes of cuddle time!”

oOo

The Welsh cakes were delicious, by the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PRONUNCIATION GUIDE YALL
> 
> 'rhydych chi'n ffyrnig' - ruh-d-ugh een fur-nig
> 
> 'chi ydy'r peth mwyaf prydferth a welais i erioed.' - khee uh-deer peh-th moo-yahv prr-uh-d-verth a welais i air-yoi-d
> 
> 'poeth' - poh-ith
> 
> 'rhywiol' - riw-ee-ol
> 
> 'ti'n edrych yn secsi' - teen edd-rikh uh-n sexy
> 
>  
> 
> 'dwi'n meddwl dwi'n caru ti' - doo-een mev-ool doo-een carry ti


	13. (expensive boyf riends) spider jer: alternate ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so expensive boyf riends became a thing and i'm living

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 23\. “shh, it was just a dream. just a dream, okay? none of it was real.”
> 
> 24\. “you know we’re always here for you, right?”
> 
> ITS SPIDER JER 2 YALL!!!
> 
> this takes place after my fic Spider Jer Spider Jer Does Whatever A Spider Jer Does so you might wanna read that for this to make sense

 

The bad things come in waves.

Sometimes it’s calm. At first. It’s quiet and gentle and nice. And he’s content. And for a moment it feels like he can handle it. But then suddenly the tide comes in, massive waves crashing down on top of him and then he’s drowning and he can’t breathe and it’s too much, too much,  _too much-!_

Suddenly, he’s back in that old train station. He’s talking, but it’s not his voice. He’s moving, but it’s not his will. And then Jeremy’s there and he’s running at him, hurting him and all the while he’s screaming  _stop, stop it, leave him alone!_ but the words won’t come out. And then Michael’s there too and he’s begging him to go, to run, take Jeremy and leave, but they can’t hear him. And then he’s thrown himself at Jeremy and his hands are around his neck and Jeremy’s begging for him to stop, snap out of it, but he  _can’t_  and he’s  _trying_ but he  _can’t_  but he can’t hurt Jeremy, or Michael, because he just can’t, they’re too important, they’re everything, he  _can’t,_ and then he’s screaming, then he’s fighting, then he’s  _burning_  and he can’t breathe but it doesn’t matter because he won’t hurt them and he never will, he  _never will-!_

He wakes up screaming.

He hears someone cry out next to him, and he feels something moving but he can’t focus on it because it burns and it hurts so so much, please just stop-!

“Rich!” He jolts, jumping up with wide eyes and raised shoulders like a wild animal.

“Rich, hey, listen to me.” Michael says firmly. “It’s okay, you’re safe, it’s all gonna be fine-”

Rich shakes his head frantically, curling in on himself and clutching his head tightly.

“Richie?” Jeremy asks gently. “Can I touch you, baby?”

Rich swallows, tears streaking down his cheeks. His arms itch.

“Rich, hey.” Michael says carefully, leaning forward and pressing their fingertips together. “Is this okay?”

He chokes on a sob. Michael’s so warm.

“Rich?” Michael frowns, pulling away slowly. “Is this… Not okay?”

He yelps in the back of his throat and grabs Michael’s hand, looking at him pleadingly.

“’m sorry…” He whimpers. “I’m sorry, I don’t - I-I don’t know why-”

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Jeremy says gently, placing his hand on Rich’s bicep. Rich sighed, leaning into his soothing cool touch. Michael’s warm, Jeremy’s cold. They’re a perfect balance. He doesn’t deserve them. “C’mere, sweetie, come over to us, okay?”

Rich nods shakily, but he can’t move. Jeremy just smiles, taking him carefully by the arms and pulling him into Michael’s lap.

“There you go.” Jeremy chuckles as he hugs Rich from the back. “Right in the seat of honor.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay…” Michael murmurs, holding Rich gently as he sobs. “Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream, okay? None of it was real-”

“But it  _was!”_ Rich all but screams into his shoulder. “It was, it was, I hurt you, I was - I was  _so-”_

“No, Richie.” Jeremy sighs. “It wasn’t your fault. You never meant to hurt us.”

“But I  _did!”_ He sobs. “I did and I hurt you and I - I would’ve - I could’ve k-killed…”

“But you didn’t.” Michael whispers, running his hands up Rich’s arms. His scarred, gross, ugly arms, a constant reminder of all the wrongs he did- 

“Rich?” Michael says quietly, nudging his cheek with his nose. “You didn’t. You snapped out of it. You’d never hurt us, Richie. Not intentionally.”

“But I did…”

“And we forgive you.” Jeremy murmurs, pressing the softest kissed to the nape of Rich’s neck. He stifles a sob in Michael’s sleep shirt. “We love you, Rich. You know we’re always here for you, right?”

“You shouldn’t be…” He whimpers. “You’re so much better without me…”

“Rich, I love you, but that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” Michael smiles. “You’re our rock, Richie. You saved us and you always will. Because you care about us. And we care about you. And we’ll always do our best to save you, too. Because that’s what you do for us. Right?”

“… Right…” Rich murmurs. They’re so soft, so gentle, so patient with him. It’s not fair. He doesn’t deserve them. 

“It’s okay, Richie.” Jeremy mumbles into his nape. “We love you. We always will. You deserve  _so much,_ Rich.”

“I…” Rich chokes. “I love you two. Both of you. So much. Please don’t go.”

“Never will, Richie.” Michael says reassuringly, brushing his head back and kissing his forehead. “Never will.

“Okay…” He breathes shakily. “Okay. Just… Stay with me?”

“Always.” Jeremy smiles. “As long as you need, baby.”

And they do. They keep him sandwiched between them, their arms wrapped around him, Michael nuzzling his hair and Jeremy’s chest pressed against his back. They leave soft kisses on his neck, his cheeks, anywhere they can reach. He breathes with them, tucked safely between the two. He sighs quietly, rubbing his cheek against Michael’s and relishing in the feel of Jeremy’s cool hands rubbing circles on his arms.

“You wanna sleep now, sweetie?” Michael says gently, brushing his lips against Rich’s forehead. “You can go in the middle if you want.”

Rich nods slowly against Michael’s shoulder. “Please?”

“Of course, baby.” Jeremy smiles gently, kissing his nape again. Rich giggles softly, his breath catching in a small snort.

“Aww!” Michael coos, lowering himself so they’re lying down on the bed, Rich laying in the middle with Michael and Jeremy on either side. “Cutie.”

“Shut up!” Rich laughs waterily. “You’re cute. You’re both cute. I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Richie.” Jeremy says gently, nuzzling his nose in Rich’s neck. “Just try to sleep now, okay? We’ll be here when you wake up.”

“You promise?”

“We promise.” Michael chuckles. “Go sleep now, sweetie. We’ll keep you safe.”

Rich smiles softly, positioning himself carefully so he’s securely pressed up against the two of them.

“Okay. G’night.”

The bad things come in waves. And it’s scary, and overwhelming, and sometimes it feels like he can’t handle it. But at least he’s lucky enough to have the two perfect life rafts to keep him afloat until the tide goes out.


	14. (playride) parties suck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is the first prompt on here that isn't a number prompt WOO
> 
> someone requested either playride pinkberry or cinnabun and tbh playride is adorable

This party sucked.

That was the thought that kept spinning through Brooke’s head. This party  _sucked_.

It was true, to be fair. It did suck. Getting cheated on by your boyfriend sucked. Being betrayed by your best friend sucked. Having said best friend screw you over by sleeping with your boyfriend and then not even five minutes later be sleeping with her ex  _sucked_.

The fact that she was curled up in the laundry room crying instead of enjoying herself at the biggest party of the fall sucked.

It all sucked. And saying that was childish, sure, it was the understatement of the  _fucking century_ , but it was true.

Brooke bit her lip as more tears streaked over her eyes. She could feel her lips wobbling and her chin quivering. She had always been an ugly crier.

She buried her head in her knees, broken sobs tearing their way out of her throat. It wasn’t  _fair!_  Chloe had  _everything_. She had the looks, the friends, the boys - why couldn’t she just let Brooke have this  _one_  thing for herself?!

The door creaked open. Brooke gasped, stiffening and swiping at her face quickly.

“Uh - s-sorry, I was just-”

“Oh, no, sorry, I - Brooke?”

Oh. It was Christine. Jake’s girlfriend. The person Chloe hated and ranted about with a burning passion. Brooke wondered if Chloe had hated her so intensely as well. It might’ve explained some things.

Oh well, Brooke sighed to herself. It could’ve been a lot worse. It could’ve been  _Jenna_.

“Yeah. Hey.” Brooke sniffed, curling in on herself defensively in her little corner. God, she must look pathetic.

“Are - Are you okay?” Christine frowned, leaning in further into the room.

“Yep. I’m fine. Go away.”

“Brooke…” Christine murmured, taking in her flushed, puffy face, tear streaked cheeks and running makeup. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing.” Brooke said shortly. “Just - go away.”

She knew it was mean to take out her frustrations on Christine - sweet, innocent Christine who had done nothing wrong except be a decent human being - but fuck that. Chloe got to be a bitch whenever she wanted. It was about time Brooke got a turn.

“It’s not nothing.” Christine said softly, padding slowly into the room as if she were approaching a spooked animal-

The scared puppy approach.

That was so sad it was almost funny.

“Brooke?” Christine asked sweetly. She looked like a princess. Literally. She was dressed as a princess - she had the white fluff and a crown and everything. She wasn’t even wearing any makeup and yet she looked perfect. How was that even possible?

“… It doesn’t matter.” Brooke sighed, looking away. “Just - leave me alone.” 

Christine leaned forward, peering at her curiously with wide doe eyes.

“… Please?”

“I’m not leaving you like this.” Christine said firmly, squeezing next to her so she was squashed between Brooke and the washing machine. “What happened?” She asked, sounding honestly concerned. “Where’s your date?”

“Probably having sex with Chloe.” Brooke said bitterly. To her surprise, Christine just laughed. It sounded strained. A stage laugh.

“Yeah?” She sighed. “Mine, too.”

“Oh!” Brooke said awkwardly, trying to show sympathy. “Oh, I - I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Christine chuckled. “I mean - I dumped him, so…”

“ _You_  dumped  _Jake?”_ Brooke gasped in disbelief.

“Uh - yeah, I guess…” Christine laughed uncomfortably. “It just… It wasn’t gonna work out. He’s… He’s a nice guy, but… He’s not my type.”

As far as Brooke new, Jake Dillinger was  _everyone’s_ type.

“Well, still.” She sighed. “Sorry. Breakups suck.”

“This party sucks.”

Brooke let out a small laugh. “Amen, sister.”

“So…” Christine drawled awkwardly. “You and Jeremy…?”

“I don’t care about  _him_.” Brooke spat. 

Christine rose an eyebrow. 

“… Okay I do. I care a lot. It -” She growled in frustration, yanking at her hair. “It’s just not  _fair,_ yknow?! Chloe - she has  _everything_ , a-and I finally find a nice guy, wh-who’s sweet and funny and likes  _me_ , and she just - sh-she just-!” She broke off in a sob, trying to cover her face with her hands.

“Hey, hey!” Christine said, gently prying her hands away and dabbing at her eyes with the soft sleeves of her dress. “It’s okay… Shh, it’s okay…”

“I’m sorry…” Brooke sniffed, wiping her face harshly. “I’m such a mess…”

“Don’t be sorry.” Christine said firmly. “This is not your fault. I always thought Jeremy was a nice guy, but if he actually did this to you-”

“It wasn’t his fault.” Brooke protested weakly. “Chloe - she’s the one who - she always…”

“Then screw Chloe!” Christine declared. Brooke jolted, half expecting Chloe to burst into the room, guns ablazing. “I mean it! Screw her, she sucks! She’s mean, she’s jealous, she doesn’t appreciate you - she had sex with your  _boyfriend,_ Brooke! She’s horrible to you and you deserve better!”

“… She is mean…” Brooke mumbled. “Really mean…”

“Exactly!”

“But she’s nice sometimes!” Brooke protested. “Sh-She… She goes to Pinkberry with me, a-and she goes shopping with me, and she tells me what clothes I shouldn’t wear and-”

“She what?”

“Well, y-you know, like - i-if I’m about to go on a date, and I’m wearing this really gross shirt, she can’t just let me go out like that, y-y’know? She looks out for me!”

“Okay, but-” Christine sighed, rubbing her temple. “What if  _you_  like the shirt?”

“… What?”

“What if you like it?” Christine asked simply. “Why can’t you wear what you want to wear? Why does it have to please her, or your date, or whoever? Like - look what you’re wearing now! Did she make you wear that?”

“Oh, no, I-I made this myself!” Brooke smiled proudly. “See, I thought you always see sexy  _cats_ , but-”

“No one ever goes as a sexy  _dog!”_ Christine finished, practically vibrating where she sat. “See? That’s so cool! And you came up with it by yourself, just for you, right?”

“W-Well…” Brooke mumbled awkwardly, toying with her hair. “I-I thought Jeremy would like it… But it was mostly for me!”

“Exactly!” Christine grinned. “See, you came up with it yourself, you wore it for you, and I bet you felt good wearing it! Right?”

Brooke nodded.

“So, who cares what everyone else thinks! Wear what you wanna wear and do what you wanna do - I mean, within reason. You don’t need people telling you what to do, Brooke. Just be you!”

Brooke laughed gently. “Is that why you’re wearing that?” She smirked, tugging on the hem of her dress. Christine broke into a massive grin.

“I know, right!” She squealed. “It’s a renaissance princess dress. I wore it when I was Juliet in the school play.”

“Oh, I saw that one!” Brooke smiled. “You were so good!”

Good was an understatement. She was  _breathtaking._ Brooke had barely been able to look at anyone else in the whole show - mostly because it was clear Christine was the only one who actually  _cared_  about the show, but still. She had been so moving - Brooke had barely understood the fancy language, but Christine’s expressions were enough to move a grown man to tears. And when she died at the end? Brooke had nearly cried. The only thing keeping her from bawling was the fact that Chloe was sat right next to her.

“Thanks!” Christine smiled bashfully. “I was, um, incredibly vulnerable, I think - it just made me realize there aren’t enough strong roles for women in theater,  _particularly_ highschool theater! Do you find that? Because I totally find that!”

She had clearly made this speech before. Still, Brooke didn’t mind. It was nice watching someone be so passionate about something.

“You really care about theater, huh?” She smiled gently. Christine blushed, a beautiful shade of pink spreading over her cheeks. Brooke kind of wanted to touch them - they just looked so  _soft_ …

“Well, kinda.” Christine giggled. “It’s just - so many people do just one thing, y’know? In theater, there are so many roles and stories - it’s exciting, really!”

Brooke couldn’t help but stare. Christine had this far off look in her eyes, her hands gesturing gently, as if she was trying to hold back her movements. Brooke didn’t like that. She wanted to see Christine in full geek mode - if she was this cute already, she had to be even cuter then.

… Brooke was far too drunk to realize she wasn’t supposed to think that.

“I think it’s cool.” She smiled. “I wish I cared about something that much. I only joined the drama club because of Chloe, and she only joined because of Jake, and he only - well…”

Christine peered at her from the corner of her eye, nibbling her lip gently. Brooke was drawn to the way her plush lower lip sank under the weight.

“To be honest…” Christine murmured. “It’s… More of a coping mechanism, really.” At Brooke’s confusion, she elaborates, “It’s just - it’s like there are these…  _rules,_ about how we have to act, or talk, or dress and - and  _everyone_ knows them but me.”

Brooke winced, biting her lip.

“But when I’m on stage?” Christine went on, that same far off look in her eye. “That all just… Goes away. You know exactly what you’re supposed to say, and what people are going to say back… You know what’s going to happen next, the only surprise you get is forgetting a line, or a prop not working… There’re no surprises that way. Y’know?”

“… Yeah.” Brooke sighed. “I know.”

It sounded a lot sadder said out loud.

“Wow.” Christine chuckled softly. “I don’t think anyone’s ever really gotten it before.”

“How do you know I have?” Brooke smirked challengingly. “Maybe I’m lying. Who knows?”

“I think I know.” Christine smiled. “You’re very… Genuine.”

Brooke frowned. “Genuine?”

“Yeah. I mean, when you’re not around Chloe.” She laughed gently. Her eyes flicked downward for a moment before going back to Brooke’s eyes. “You’re nice, Brooke. You’re good.”

Suddenly, Brooke felt a warmth growing in her chest, spreading to throughout her body to her fingertips. She wanted to reach out, hold Christine’s cheek, see if it was as soft as it looked, press their lips together and tangle her hand in her hair and-

“Um!” Christine yelped, jumping to her feet. “S-Sorry, I just, I totally just hijacked your hiding spot, I’m sorry!” She laughed, her face bursting in red. “W-Well, um, g-good talk, I’ll, uh, see you out there, okay, bye!”

She all but sprinted out of the laundry room, slamming the door behind her. Brooke felt the warmth shrivel and die. A lump formed in her stomach, dragging her down down  _down_ , back into the corner, no warmth, no light, no Christine. Just sad Brooke Lohst in a cold, dark basement.

She swallowed thickly as another sob crept it’s way up her throat.

This party  _sucked_.


	15. (expensive boyf riends) be gay do crimes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 81\. “Isn’t this, like, illegal?” “Probably.” for expensive boyf riends
> 
> i’m making a start on these prompts now hopefully i’ll be able to clean up my inbox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m making a start on these prompts now hopefully i’ll be able to clean up my inbox

 

Rich really wasn’t sure what to make of his new roommates.

Rich had never really seen himself living with roommates. He’d only ever took the place because it was off campus and the rent was dirt cheap, especially split three ways, yet it was still reasonably sized, not a total dump and was in a neighborhood that only  _slightly_  made himfeel like he was about to be murdered. The roommates were just going to be, like… A sidenote. Maybe they’d be buddies, maybe they’d just share some occasional nods while mostly going their separate ways.

Unfortunately, that did not happen.

Michael and Jeremy were… Well, they were perfect. Not exactly polar opposites, they had a lot in common, but they were still unique in their own ways and complimented each other nicely. Michael was goofy and nerdy, really into retro shit. He was open and bold in his likes and dislikes, so shamelessly himself that it hurt. Meanwhile, Jeremy was kind of the opposite; same goofiness, same nerdiness, but a still more reserved and easily embarrassed. If Rich ever saw him and Michael playing video games the first few weeks he’d moved in, Jeremy would immediately blush and try to stutter some excuse. It was cute, but… Rich had hoped Jeremy would be able to be more comfortable around him. And they had, the both of them. Michael had been a little hostile towards him when he’d first moved in (nothing personal, though; Rich had quickly learned Michael was always a little mistrustful of new people), and Jeremy had been pretty nervous. After a while, though, they’d become a nice little trio. Game nights, cooking together, even falling asleep on the couch together while watching a movie. It was as if they were dating, really.

Rich flushed at the thought. He shouldn’t be thinking stuff like that - just because Michael was gay and Jeremy was bisexual, that didn’t automatically mean he had a shot. And besides, he doubted they’d even be down for something like that; polyamory was a difficult thing. Not everyone was comfortable with it, and if they were, there had to be no room for doubt or insecurity, no “do they like each other more than me?” or “would they rather just be dating each other?”. What with Jeremy’s constant nervousness and Michael’s tendency to overthink, Rich doubted he’d ever be able to date both of them. Hell, he’d never even be able to date one of them. They were just so perfect…

Still. He was happy to just be along for the ride with them. Even if the ride was lowkey going to get them both killed.

“Isn’t this, like, illegal?” He frowned as Michael picked the lock.

“Probably.” Jeremy sighed. “Can you hurry up? We’re gonna get caught!”

“Relax, darling, I’m getting to it.” Michael huffed, fiddling with the little wound up paper clip he had shoved in the door lock. Jeremy blushed at his language, and Rich couldn’t help but follow. They always used that kind of wording around each other - it was mostly in a teasing sense, but still. The cuddling, the casual touches the pet names… Rich couldn’t help but wonder.

“Aha!” Michael cheered as the lock clicked. “See? Told ya I’d get to it. You should have more faith in me, Jer-Bear.”

Jeremy squeaked at the nickname. “Oh - whatever! Just get the stuff and go, Jake’ll be back any second now!”

“Why are we even doing this?” Rich sighed. “Just to steal some random thing from Jake? How did this even start, anyways?”

“I have no idea.” Michael shrugged as he tip toed into Jake’s dorm room. “This feud’s been going on so long I can’t even remember who fired the first shot.”

Rich frowned. “You?”

“Totally.” Michael smirked. He rummaged through Jake’s desk, tugging open the drawers with very little care for the noise.

“Dude!” Rich hissed as he and Jeremy tip-toed behind him. “You’re gonna get us caught!”

“Aw, don’t worry, Richie!” Jeremy teased, wrapping his arms around Rich’s waist. “We’ll protect you.”

Rich fought the strangled squeak growing in his throat. “Uh - thanks.” He mumbled, his shoulders tense and voice embarrassingly high pitched. Jeremy’s brow furrowed nervously, and he quickly removed his hands. Rich cursed everything in existence.

“Hey, don’t go teasing him, Jer!” Michael grinned mischievously. “Rich, I think it’s cute when you get all protective.”

Rich did squeak, then. Literally fuck everything. No, actually, don’t fuck everything, fuck Jeremy and Michael specifically.

“Aww!” Jeremy cooed. “You  _are_  cute! You try to look so tough with your red hair and your tank tops-”

_“Muscle tees-”_

“But you’re just a big cutie!” Jeremy smiled, leaning forward as if to hug him again, but restraining himself. Rich fought a wince.

“Yeah, he’s a cutie, alright.” Michael chuckled, digging around Jake’s drawers. “Oh! I got it!” He yelled, pulling out a battered old paperback.

“Peter Pan?” Rich frowned. A good read, yeah, but… Really?

“Yep!” Michael grinned. “It’s Jake’s favourite book. Jenna told me in Psych. This’ll  _definitely_  make him fold and give me back my X-Men comics.”

“Or you could just ask for them back?” 

“Richard, I’m honestly offended you would suggest such a thing.” Michael said, dead serious. “Now come on, cutie, we’re going back to the apartment to celebrate!”

“Oh - shut up!” Rich flushed indignantly. “Takes one to know one, assface!”

“Is that your way of saying we’re cute, Richie?” Jeremy smirked, showing one of his rare displays of confidence. Rich would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. Shy Jeremy was absolutely adorable, but Confident Jeremy was hot as all hell.

“I - I was just - uh-” Rich stumbled, his face growing increasingly red as he searched desperately for an excuse.

“Aw, you tryna call us cute, Richie?” Michael grinned, walking over to take Rich’s chin in his hand. “Anything else you wanna tell us?”

Rich swallowed heavily, trying not to focus on Michael holding his face only inches away from his own, and Jeremy staring at them intensely with his wide blue eyes, as if trying to memorize every single detail.

“I… Uh…” Rich mumbled, eyes flicking to Michael’s lips. “W-Well-”

“What the  _fuck?!”_

All three jolted to see a very angry Jake Dillinger standing in the doorway of his dorm room.

“The fuck are you all doing in my room?!”

Rich gulped. “Run?”

“Run.”

They all shoved past Jake as quickly and forcefully as possible - Michael taking the lead, Jeremy gripping his hoodie with one hand and Rich’s shirt with the other.

“Go go go!” Jeremy cried. “The car, the car!”

“Oh no, Jer, I thought I’d just unicycle away from the angry jock chasing us!”

“No time for banter!” Rich yelled. “Just run!”

Somehow, miraculously, they managed to pile into Michael’s beat up PT Cruiser and speed their way back to their apartment.

“You think he followed us?” Jeremy mumbled nervously as he peered out of their window.

“No way.” Rich gasped, collapsing on the couch. “His car’s in the shop, there’s no way he could’ve followed us on foot.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him…” Michael muttered as he took a seat next to him. Rich tried to ignore how close Michael was to him, how he could feel the warmth radiating from him, dear _God_  he was whipped-

“So…” Michael drawled. “That was a fun night.”

“Very fun.” Jeremy gave a shy smile as he sat gingerly on Rich’s other side. Oh God. He was trapped. Trapped between two adorable nerds. Someone save him.

“Uh - yeah.” He stuttered, something he found himself doing a lot around Michael and Jeremy. 

“Yknow, Rich…” Jeremy murmured, his hand slowly travelling to Rich’s thigh. “We weren’t kidding. We do think you’re cute.”

“Um.” Rich squeaked.

“Yeah.” Michael said, voice low and husky, his arm slinking slowly around Rich’s shoulders, brushing Jeremy’s own. “Very cute.”

“Um?

“I don’t think we’re doing this right…” Jeremy mumbled, looking at Michael for help. “Is he supposed to look this scared?”

“Not scared.” Rich said quickly. “I mean, I’m nervous, kinda, ‘cause I really don’t wanna mess this up, but… Not scared.”

Michael’s lips quirked into a small smile, the kind he got when he was trying not to get his hopes up. “You’re not?”

Rich shook his head, his eyes fixed on Michael’s own. “Not at all.”

“You can stop us, y’know…” Michael said quietly as he cupped Rich’s chin with his hand. “If you want to. We don’t wanna force you.”

“I really don’t think I’m gonna do that.” Rich whispered, and that was about when Michael kissed him.

He knew all those novels described first kisses as fire and passion and all that gross crap that honestly made Rich cringe. This wasn’t it. Michael’s lips didn’t feel like rose petals or sunshine and he definitely didn’t taste like coffee and cigarettes (thank God; why did people think that was a good description?). His lips felt like lips, and he tasted like a normal person, with a hint of weed. Still, it was a brilliant kiss. He was like the earth itself; sturdy and firm, and very clear in what he wanted, but still giving way a little and letting Rich have some control. The kiss was insistent, wanting, strong. Rich almost didn’t want it to end.

“My turn…” Jeremy said quietly when the broke apart, tilting Rich’s chin towards him and pressing their lips together.

This kiss was different. If Michael was the earth, then Jeremy was the sea - calm, careful, lapping gently at the shore, as if asking permission. He leaned impossibly closer, those gentle waves turning into a strong current that was dragging him under, bit by bit. Soon enough, Rich was submerged. Still, Jeremy was cautious with his actions and let Rich have most of the control, almost melting beneath him. Slowly, reluctantly, they pulled away.

“I…” Rich started, his breath slowly returning to him. “I mean - th-that was-”

“Yeah…” Jeremy smiled gently. “It really was.”

“We were going to ask you better than this.” Michael mumbled, rubbing his neck awkwardly. “We were gonna have a movie night and a fancy dinner - Jeremy’d pick the movie and I was gonna cook. I guess we just…  _Really_  wanna kiss you.”

“I’m glad you did.” Rich chuckled. “I wanted to kiss you guys, too.”

“So, is that a yes?” Jeremy asked, eyes shining with hope.

“Uh.” Rich frowned. “Yes to what?”

“Um.” Both boys blinked in confusion. “To dating us?”

“You guys are dating?!”

“You didn’t know?!” Michael all but yelled. “How did you not know?! We flirt all the time, we cuddle - we invited you on our date nights, dude!”

“Those were dates?!” Rich cried. “Oh my God, I thought those were just movie nights! If you’d told me, I never would’ve-”

“No - we  _wanted_  you there, dumbass!” Michael sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Oh my God, this is a mess…”

“It’s not a mess.” Jeremy chastised. “It’s… It’s us. I like that.” He took Rich’s hand gently. “Rich, we’re asking if you want to date us. If you don’t want to, or you don’t think you can handle something like that, that’s totally fine. Nothing has to change. We just… We really like you, and we really wanted to ask. Otherwise, we’d just regret it.” He smiled at him awkwardly. “So…?”

“Oh my  _God_ , yes.” Rich breathed, a wide grin growing on his face. “God, I’ve been crushing on you two for weeks!”

“You were?” Jeremy smiled hopefully.

“I told you he was!” Michael grinned. “I  _so_  told you!”

“I can’t help it if I’m anxious, Michael!”

“You were so not subtle, Rich, I  _knew_  you liked us-!”

“Jesus Christ, shut up!” Rich laughed. “Just - shut up and cuddle me, you jerks! You let me suffer for weeks, fuck you!”

“You wish!” Jeremy giggled, pushing him gently so he fell against Michael’s chest. Michael smirked, leaning back so Rich was lying on top of him, while Jeremy curled up against Rich’s own chest.

“Couch nap?” Rich smiled, carding his fingers through Jeremy’s hair as he leaned back against Michael’s soft hoodie.

“Couch nap.” Jeremy confirmed. “I’m tired.”

“Me too.” Michael sighed contently. “God, this is nice.”

“So nice.” Rich grinned, leaning up so he could kiss Michael’s jaw softly.

“Fuck.” He mumbled awkwardly, a blush spreading down his neck. Rich wondered how far it went. “I’m never gonna get used to that.”

“Mm, you’d better.” Jeremy hummed sleepily. “This is our new dynamic now. Get used to it. Oh, and by the way…” He pressed a kiss to the dip between Rich’s collarbones. “Payback.”

Rich squeaked helplessly, covering his face with one hand. “I hate both of you.”

“Nah, cutie.” Michael smirked. “You love us. Now go to sleep, I’m tired. And I’m pretty sure Jeremy’s passed out already.”

Jeremy responded with a quiet snore.

“Aw, that’s sweet.” Rich smiled. Michael scoffed, kissing his cheek and cuddling his boyfriends close.

“Softie.” He teased, cutting himself off with a yawn. “G’night, Richie.”

“Night, Michael.” Rich whispered, losing himself to sleep. Yeah, the couch wasn’t the most comfortable, and yeah, they’d wake up sore and gross the next morning, but honestly? With Michael beneath him, soft and sturdy in his presence, and Jeremy resting on his stomach, snoring softly like a little kitten? There was nowhere else he’d rather be.


	16. (expensive headphones) wingman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I have uhhhh promt 96 for expensive headphones?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am going to get these DONE

 

“Rise and shine!” Rich all but screamed, throwing the curtains wide open as Michael hissed in his bed, pulling the covers over his head. Rich sighed, walking over to Michael’s bed and ripping off the covers.

“Hey!” Michael snapped. “What the fuck, dude?!”

“Michael, it is five in the afternoon.” Rich sighed. “You have got to get over this!” Michael glared at him fiercely.

“Get over this?!” He snarled. “Get over this?! There is no ‘getting over this’, Rich! Just fuck off and leave me alone!”

“Michael…” Rich sighed, taking a seat on his bed. “Okay, so you guys broke up. That sucks. But you can’t just stay in bed wallowing about it while he’s fucking that slut in room one-ten.”

“… Call him a slut again?” Michael mumbled pathetically. “It makes me feel better.”

“He’s a slut.” Rich smiled. “A gross, shallow slut. And so was your bitchass boyfriend.”

“No.” Michael sighed. “He was perfect…”

“If he was perfect, he wouldn’t’ve cheated on you.” Rich said firmly. “Now, c’mon! I’m going to cure you, and I can only cure you if you put on clean clothes.”

“Cure me?” Michael frowned, grabbing his pillow and cuddling it to his chest.

“Yes, oh depressed one.” Rich smirked, gently prying the pillow away from him. “Now get dressed! We’re going out!”

“Out?” Michael grimaced, stuffing his face in his mattress now that Rich had taken away all his comfort items. “Out’s bad…”

“ _No,_ out is very good.” Rich smiled, pulling Michael to his feet. “Everyone knows that the average breakup lasts for four months or four dicks, whichever comes first. So, we are heading down to that bar near campus, and I am gonna be your wingman. Deal?”

“No!” Michael huffed, now choosing to hide his face in Rich’s hair. “I don’t want to go out, Rich, I want to stay here and wallow.”

“Well, too bad.” Rich said firmly. “Because I am your friend and your roommate, and as your friend and roommate, it is my solemn duty to get you back on the whores!”

“You mean horse?”

“Same thing!” Rich grinned. “Now c’mon, get dressed. I promise you, you are not even going to  _think_ about how that asshole did you wrong so long as I’m around.”

He shoved Michael over to their bathroom, stuffing his clothes into his arms and slamming the door behind him. A moment later, the door opened again. Just as Rich was about to whirl around and threaten to delete all Michael’s save files on Apocalypse of The Damned, Michael murmured, “thanks, Rich.” and quietly shut the door.

—

“ _Rich!”_ Michael whined, slumping over the bar. “Can we go home now?”

“C’mon, Mikey!” Rich grinned wide, nudging his shoulder. “This is awesome! That guy over there sent you a drink!”

“So?” Michael huffed, pushing the drink away stubbornly. He felt like a child, but honestly, who the fuck cared? He had the god given  _right_ to act like a child.

“So! Get out there, dude!” Rich goaded him, poking his sides playfully. “Go talk to him, get that rebound action!”

“I don’t  _want_ a rebound!” Michael protested. “I want…” He sighed, glaring at his own reflection in the smudged surface of the bar. “You  _know_  what I want.”

“Michael…” Rich sighed, resting his hand on his shoulder. “You’re never gonna get over this until you get under someone else! C’mon, man, it’s easy, I’ll show you-”

“I don’t want you to!” Michael snapped, pulling away from Rich’s warm hand. “I - I’m never gonna get what I want, Rich, and we both know it. So just let me go home and deal with things my way. Okay?”

Rich softened, his eyes filling with an emotion Michael couldn’t quite place.

“I…” He murmured. “Michael, I was just trying to help-”

“Well I don’t want your help!” Michael snapped. “Just - fuck off and leave me alone!”

Rich’s face fell for a moment, like a kicked puppy, and Michael immediately felt regret pooling in his stomach. Then Rich steeled himself, his face settling into that painfully neutral expression that he only wore when he was about to cry and didn’t want anyone to see.

“Michael-”

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” Rich said in monotone. “I’ll see you at home.”

Michael wanted desperately to reach out and stop Rich as he got up and walked stiffly to the dance floor, but he let him go. This wasn’t his  _fault_ , dammit! He didn’t ask to be cheated on, he didn’t ask for Rich’s help and he certainly didn’t ask to be dragged to some stupid club in a piss poor attempt at getting over the pain of a longterm relationship that got burned to the ground! 

“You shouldn’t be so hard on your boyfriend, y’know.”

He was jolted out of his angry spiral by a miffed looking bartender.

“Um - e-excuse me?” He frowned.

“Look, I know it’s not my business, but that guy’s been trying to get you to smile ever since you got here.” The guy said firmly, wiping down the bar’s surface and only succeeding in smudging it more.

“Wh- what, were you just eavesdropping on us, waiting to share your almighty wisdom?!” Michael spluttered in disbelief.

“No.” The guy shrugged. “Just kinda hard not to hear you snapping at a perfectly nice guy. I mean, if you don’t want him, then fine, I would gladly-”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” Michael said quickly, tucking his head on his folded arms in a desperate attempt to hide his blush. “He’s… My roommate.”

The guy raised an eyebrow. “Just your roommate?”

“Yes.” Michael said firmly. “I broke up with my boyfriend, and he thinks it’s his sole mission to make me feel better.”

“Sounds like a pretty good roommate.” The guy chuckled.

“No.” Michael huffed. “He just - he won’t give me any space, y’know?! I want to deal with things  _my_ way, in  _my_  time. I don’t need him to help me!”

“So what’s your way, then?” The guy challenged. “Shut everyone out and wallow in bed, stalking his Snapchat account and not showering or changing your clothes for a week?”

“No!” Michael protested. “… He actually uses Instagram more, so-”

“Look, I’m just saying.” The guy shrugged. “I would’ve liked a friend like that when I was in college. Someone to drag me out of my bed on my bad days, try to distract me, make me happy. It sounds like a good deal to me.”

Michael suddenly began to feel like the worlds biggest dick.

“He’s… He’s not my-”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll pour a beer just to throw it in your face.” The bartender threatened. Michael almost scoffed. There was no way he could do that, not with Rich around; hell, he’d probably throw himself across the bar and…

Oh.

“… He’s my friend.” Michael murmured weakly. “One of my best friends. But everyone gets mad at their friends! So what if I said something mean or -  _whatever_ , I think I deserve to be mean right now! I’m the one who got cheated on, not Rich!”

Well, not this time, at least. Rich had put on a supportive face when Brooke had hooked up with Chloe at Jake’s Halloween party, but Michael remembered those cuddles sessions they had while watching Friends re-runs that they never seemed to talk about. And there had been that guy in their Psych class who strung Rich along for months, only to have the guys girlfriend scream at him in middle of the cafeteria for being a homewrecker. Michael winced as he remembered the red hand print on Rich’s cheek, the one that took a week to fully fade away, the one that Rich begged Michael to help him cover up, the…

“I’m an asshole.” Michael said quietly.

“Yup.” The bartender shrugged. “But I don’t think I’m the one you should be saying that to.”

Michael jolted. “I, uh, gotta go.” He said quickly, all but sprinting off of his stool. “Thanks!”

He shoved his way through a bunch of sweaty dancers and practically catapulted himself through the doors of the bathroom. Empty. Michael wrinkled his nose. He would’ve noticed if he saw Rich leave… Maybe he’d missed him.

Michael frowned, peering at the gaps beneath the stalls. Just in case…

His eye caught on Rich’s combat boots. Bingpot.

“Rich.” He said gently, knocking on the stall door. “It’s me, open up.”

Silence. The boots pulled up off floor.

“Rich, c’mon.” Michael sighed. “Look, I - I’m sorry for what I said. You’re one of my best friends, dude, and of course I’m grateful for what you’re doing - god knows it’s better than my plan… But do you think we could’ve dialed it down a little? I - I’m not good at clubs…” He shifted awkwardly on his feet. “We could go to that coffee place you like! Or, um, the park?”

More silence.

“Rich, please just open the door.” Michael sighed. “Of course I want your help, I love your help! I mean, i-it’s a little extreme, yeah, but… I’m lucky to have a friend like you.”

He held his breath. Still nothing. He sighed.

“Okay, either you’re too pissed to talk to me - which, fair, by the way - or I just poured my heart out to a stranger in a stall, so… I’ll see you at home, I guess. Bye.”

He sighed, a heavy feeling pooling in his stomach as he trudged to the door.

“My  _god,_ that was sappy.”

Michael whirled around, a relieved grin cracking his cheeks as he saw Rich’s smirking face.

“C’mon, nerd.” Rich said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s go get coffee. We can make fun of the straight couples, if you want!”

“Nah.” Michael smiled gratefully as he took Rich’s hand in his. “I’m good with just you.”

Rich rose an eyebrow.

“… Okay, maybe just the  _really_ straight ones, but that’s it!”

As they walked out of the bar, hand in hand, the bartender rolled his eyes.

“Not his boyfriend, my ass…”

—

“Thanks, Rich.” Michael smiled as the stumbled back into the dorm, blinking the sleep deprivation out of their eyes. “I had a really nice time.”

“Ah, it’s cool.” Rich grinned sleepily, his right cheek rising up a little higher than his left and forming a darling little dimple. “Just did what any friend would do, yknow?”

“Not just any friend.” Michael smiled. “You’re awesome.”

“I know.” Rich shrugged as he shuffled to his dresser to get ready for bed. “Ooh, maybe next time I can help you scope out hot guys!”

“Sure, why not?” Michael laughed. He stumbled to his bedside table and plugged in his phone to charge, scowling as he fumbled with the cord. Stupid charging ports…

“There we go.” He smirked triumphantly as he set it down on his bedside table. “Y’know, I think there’s this band playing at the open air stage on Wednesday, we could-”

He turned around, and his thoughts were immediately cut off because  _holy fucking shit when did Rich get ripped?!_

He and Rich usually got changed at the same time, though Michael always went into the bathroom to give them both privacy - he hadn’t expected Rich to just take his shirt off in the middle of their dorm room without any warning oh holy  _shit_  those were some abs, okay.

He knew Rich was a proud gym rat - he’d started in highschool, apparently, as a way to keep himself out of the house, and he really took to it. It was one of his favourite hobbies, though Michael couldn’t even comprehend how exercising could count as a hobby. Still, it must’ve payed off. The toned stomach, the firm back muscles Michael desperately wanted to press his hand against, the beautifully defined arms that stretched and flexed as he popped his spine and groaned ( _sweet jesus),_ making the tattoos on his skin ripple enticingly. Michael wanted to feel it, the way the muscles moved and the way the ink stood out against his skin, wanted to wrap his arms around his waist and nuzzle his nose into his hair or his neck or-

“Michael?”

“Nothing!” Michael blurted. “Um - yeah, so - b-band, at the open air stage, sounds like a good time, m-might scope out some, uh, h-hot guys, yeah, so, um, goodnight!”

“Whoa, whoa,  _whoa_ , Mell!” Rich cackled, grabbing his arm as Michael tried to duck into the bathroom. “I saw that! You just checked me out!”

“Wh-What?!” Michael spluttered. “No I didn’t! I was just - you just - your shirt, a-and-”

“Mikey, my boy.” Rich smirked, patting his cheek gently. “You’re gonna be just fine.”

Michael tried to control his blush.

“Uh.” He mumbled. “Y-Yeah, sure, uh - thanks.”

“Go get changed, nerd.” Rich scoffed, rolling his eyes. “And by the way? My eyes are up  _here_.”

Michael looked up from where he’d been gaping at Rich’s sculpted chest, eyes wide with terror. Rich burst out laughing.

“You - sh-shut up!” Michael all but screamed, diving into the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind him. He panted heavily, placing a hand over his chest and reeling at how fast his heart was beating.

Okay. This was fine. This was totally fine. He was going to get dressed, he was going to go back out there and he was going to calmly go to bed because there was no  _way_  he was getting a crush on his roommate two days after he broke up with his boyfriend,  _no way!_

And then he thought about the way Rich had grinned at him dopily as he’d dragged him to dance with him at that shitty club, the neon lights shining in his eyes and dappling his hair. He thought about the way he’d snorted so hard at that coffee place that coffee had spurted through his nose and Michael had to rush to get him a tissue while doubled over from laughing. He remembered the way Rich hadn’t complained when Michael had taken his hand, instead just squeezing it tight and giving him a reassuring smile.

_”You’re gonna be just fine.”_

He was fucked


	17. (expensive headphones) lets be rational here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: Au where Michael meets Rich because rich was napping on the floor and Michael trips over him
> 
> i’ve been in a bit of a writing slump lately so hopefully i’ll be able to get through some of these requests and get back into it

 

Let’s get one thing certain before we begin; Michael Mell was not an irrational person. He knew that no one was really scared of the dark, they were scared of the unknown. He knew no one was really scared of heights, they were just scared of falling. He knew it made no sense to be scared of snakes unless they were venomous, there was no need to be paranoid that someone was in his house when he knew he’d locked the doors and the windows were closed.

But Michael stood firm in his totally rational belief that spiders were fucking gross.

First of all, who the fuck had that many legs? Whose business was it to have a bunch of creepy crawly legs that scuttled around everywhere and made up ninety percent of their body? And don’t get Michael started on the eyes,  _no creature_  should have that many eyes. Spiders just had too much of everything - legs, eyes, hair - and Michael knew that it was totally, one hundred percent rational to have a fear of the creepy little death dealers (and  _no_ , this fear did not stem from his older brother telling him spiders crawled into your ears when you slept and laid eggs in your brain, that would just be stupid and irrational and Michael Mell was not irrational).

Some explanation was necessary. It was negative fuck-you degrees out in New Jersey winter, and if there was one thing Michael hated more than going outside, it was going outside in the cold. It didn’t help that the college’s boiler was messing up,  _again,_ so there was no way of keeping out the biting cold. So Michael, like any rational college student, decided to get dressed in his comfiest hoodie, sweatpants and pyjama socks, and watch Netflix in a big nest made out of pillows and blankets on his bed.

And that was when he saw it.

Michael liked to say that once he’d seen the spider, he had slowly and calmly gotten up from his nest and carefully padded to the door so as not to spook it. However, that would be a bald-faced fucking lie, and mama didn’t raise a liar.

(Also Rich would totally snitch on him if he said that, but we’ll get to him in a second.)

So, as much as Michael would pretend to be a cool, collected and, by all means, normal human being, he unfortunately had not been given that gift. Which was why, when he saw the spider creeping up his wall, he screamed at the top of his lungs, burst out from his nest and sprinted out the door, immediately tripping over something very cold and very heavy.

“Mother  _fuck!”_ He screamed as his body collided with the floor, because honestly he’d been through a lot at that point and now he was in pain and it was all very stressful.

“Dude!” The lump he tripped over groaned. “Not cool!”

It turned out the lump was not a lump (though he was very lump-shaped, if the bruise forming on Michael’s leg was anything to go by), but actually a guy - one that Michael was actually pretty sure he’d seen in his Eng-Lit class. He’d only taken it to fill his schedule, but from what he’d seen, this dude (Richard something?) was usually really into it. He was always writing something, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. It was kind of funny. And okay, fine, a little cute.

And speaking of cute, it was genuinely unfair how adorable Sort Of Cute Eng-Lit Guy looked when he was blinking sleep from his eyes from beneath several unflattering layers of wool - and when Michael, proud king of shitty fashion choices, said unflattering, he really meant it. The guy was stuffed into what looked like three separate sweaters, the outer sweater being the brightest shade of blue Michael had ever seen, with layers of orange and green peeking out from under the neck. The pattern was similar to that of an Easter egg, garish yellow zig zags and dots smothering the front of the sweater. He was wearing thick camo-print sweat pants, and on his head was a knitted reindeer hat, red pom-pom nose and all. He was wearing a pair of gloves that were clearly too big and some chunky combat boots - Michael could just make out fuzzy slipper-socks peeking out from underneath. Anyone else would’ve looked like the Cookie Monster and Elmo’s disgusting love child in those clothes, but Sort Of Cute Eng-Lit Guy looked like a little ball of wool Michael wanted to cuddle close to his chest.

Like he said. Unfair.

“What the fuck are you doing outside my room?!” Michael spluttered, because he’s gay and on edge and now Very Cute Eng-Lit Guy was peering up at him with his big chocolate brown eyes and  _fuck_  he should’ve just let the spider kill him.

“Believe me, it is not my choice.” He muttered, rubbing his eyes and yawning sleepily (be still, his beating heart). “Got sexiled by my roommate. He and his girlfriend were coming up with some inventive ways to stay warm and I wanted no part in it.”

“Fair enough.” Michael nodded slowly. “What’s with the argyle abomination?”

“Hey!” Honest To God Adorable Eng-Lit Guy snapped. “Do not diss the clothes! I left the room so fast I had to leave everything behind, this lost and found shit was all I could get to keep myself from freezing!”

“Alright, Jesus!” Michael retorted, raising his hands in surrender. The boy looked at him for a moment and snorted, which was fucking rich coming from what was practically a pile of yarn going all Audrey Two on an unsuspecting student.

“Okay, I answered your questions.” The boy smirked ( _Not! Now! Libido!)_. “Now you answer mine. Why’d you trip over my nap spot, man?”

“Your nap spot is right in front of my door, genius.” Michael huffed. “And my room is… Occupied.”

“Ah.” Super Hot Eng-Lit Guy nodded. “You got sexiled too, huh?”

“What?! Oh my god, no!” Michael cried. “I mean - well - exiled, definitely, but not like  _that…”_

The boy frowned, tilting his head and oh fuck all Michael’s rationality had left the building. “Then how?”

Michael cleared his throat awkwardly. “There’s a, um…”

“A what?”

“Th-There’s a sp-hm…”

“Yeah, you keep trailing off halfway through the sentence, bud.”

Michael huffed, gritting his teeth. “I  _said,_ there’s a-”

He froze when he noticed something small and hairy crawling towards the door. The door he had very much forgotten to close behind him after he’d tripped over Take Me Now Eng-Lit Guy’s yarn-covered body.

_”Spider!”_ He screeched, plastering himself against the wall.

“Fucking hell!” The boy yelped, jumping to his feet.

“It’s come for me!”

“It’s a spider, it’s brain’s not that big!”

“Stop yelling at me and  _do something!”_

”Oh - fucking hell!” The boy yelled, ripping off his boot and chucking it full force into the spiders fat, hairy body with a sick  _squelch_.

Michael froze, his screams dying in his throat. His gaze flicked from the shoe to the boy, unsure of what exactly to say.

Please Don’t Look So Sad Eng-Lit Guy sighed, his eyes downcast.

“These are my  _favorite. Boots.”_  He muttered and oh shit, Michael was an asshole.

“Um.” He mumbled quietly. “I-I can wash it for you?”

The boy rose an eyebrow. “You seriously think you could lift that shoe and look at that dead spider corpse?”

Michael tensed, casting a cautious glance at the boot in question.

“It’s fine.” The boy said quietly. “I’ll just grab something from lost and found and go buy another pair.”

“Uh - wait!” Michael said quickly as Please Don’t Say I Blew It With You Eng-Lit Guy began to plod down the hall. Michael sighed, swallowing his  ~~totally rational~~ fear and picking up the boot.

“You really don’t have to-”

“It’s fine.” Michael smiled awkwardly. “I mean, I did trip on you and force you to save me from a spider and - and it’s still alive.”

I Don’t Fucking Know Anymore Eng-Lit Guy froze. “What?”

“The spider is maimed but still alive and it is crawling towards me.”

“Dude,  _run!”_ Sort Of Maybe Hopefully Eng-Lit Guy yelped, grabbing Michael by the shoulders and shoving them both into his room, slamming the door behind them.

They leaned heavily against the door for a moment, as if the spider with three broken legs would try to break down the door, both panting heavily from the emotional roller coaster they had experienced.

Slowly, they met each others gaze. The boy’s lips quirked into a smile. Soon enough, they were leaning against each other, gasping with laughter as they attempted to keep each other upright.

“It lived!” The boy grinned. “That fucking thing got crushed by a combat boot and  _lived!”_

”It came for me!” Michael cried, clutching his stomach. “It saw me and it crawled for me!”

“The spider lives and it’s out for revenge!”

“Oh, God, I’m gonna have nightmares…” Michael groaned, shoving himself away from the door and collapsing onto his abandoned nest. The boy chuckled, clearly amused, as he came to kneel beside Michael’s bed.

“You’re real scared of spiders, huh?”

Michael huffed, propping his chin on his pillow. “It is a totally rational fear, no animal should have that many legs or that many eyes and have you heard of tarantulas those are fucking-”

“Okay, okay!” The boy laughed gently. “Dude, it’s no biggie. Honestly, I’m kinda flattered.”

Michael frowned, raising an eyebrow.

“You picked up the shoe.” The boy elaborated, picking up the boot from the floor and wiggling it for emphasis. “You were scared shitless and you still felt bad enough to pick up gross spider murder weapon shoe. The spider was still alive and you still didn’t try to kill it with my shoe.” He leaned back and smirk, sending a little jolt down Michael’s spine. “I’m flattered, Patch-Hoodie Hall Dude.”

Michael snorted. “Seriously?”

“C’mon, I bet you called me something equally weird!”

Michael stiffened, hiding his face in his folded arms. “… Sort Of Cute Eng-Lit Guy.”

The boy barked out a laugh. “Wait, really?”

“I mean, there were other variations, but… That was the original.”

“That is adorable.” The boy smirked. He held out his hand with practiced ease. “Rich Goranski.”

“Michael Mell.” Michael smiled, shaking his hand tentatively. “You’re in my Eng-Lit class. Which you probably knew already. My bad.”

Rich snorted at Michael’s embarrassment.  _”So_ cute.” He grinned, chuckling at Michael’s indignant splutter. “I actually already knew that - before the nickname thing, too. You’re pretty cute, actually.”

That spider encounter must’ve driven Michael to insanity, because he was fairly certain an attractive guy just called him cute.

“You get this look on your face, when you’re trying to find the words to write.” Rich elaborated. “You look so frustrated! It’s adorable.”

Michael swallowed, trying to control his blush. “Shut up.” He said quietly, pulling himself into a sitting position. “Get all that wool shit off and get comfy.”

Rich shot him a Cheshire grin. “Trying to get my clothes off already, huh?”

“Shut up!” Michael cried. “We’re gonna be in here a while, unless you wanna deal with that fucking demon spider, and I have a perfectly good nest that I will not let go to waste, so just! Take off the shit!”

“Alright, alright!” Rich chuckled, tugging off his many sweaters and  _oh good lord those were some muscles hello-_  “Man, you’re kinda bossy! No offence though, I’m into it.”

“I hate you.” Michael sighed. “Why am I letting you stay here?”

“Because once you fight a spider together, you’re friends for life?” Rich suggested, hopping into the nest with him.

“Shut up and watch Netflix with me, dorkus.”

They were about halfway through an episode of Bojack Horseman when Rich said, “Hey, there’s a coffee place down the street that looks good. Wanna get hot chocolate?”

Michael frowned at the thought of leaving their little nest. Since they’d started watching the show, he and Rich had gradually huddled together for warmth, cozy beneath their blankets and pillows. He didn’t really want to leave.

“It’s too cold to leave.” He protested, curling protectively around Rich’s body. “Besides, you’d have to put all your sweaters back on.”

“And we can’t have that, now can we?” Rich snorted. “I meant another day, dumbass. Like a date?”

Michael jumped, his head jolting up to stare at Rich in disbelief.

“Um.” Rich stumbled. “I-I mean, you don’t have to, you’re - you’re probably only letting me in ‘cause you owe me for the shoe and-”

All of Michael’s rationality must be left in that hallway being eaten by a war vet spider, because before Rich even finishes his rambling he answers, “Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... i may have gone off topic to the prompt
> 
> god i hate this


	18. (expensive headphones) sort of something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tumblr request - "What about expensive headphones with promts 26 & 1?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got deleted. so many times. i’m gonna fite.

They’re definitely something.

Maybe. Sort of. Hopefully.

Probably not.

He definitely likes Michael. He’s made that much clear - well, as clear as he can without actually saying the words. He laughs and pokes and makes flirty jokes, and Michael responds with what Rich thinks are equally flirty responses, but he isn’t sure. And that’s the one thing Rich hates. He wants to be sure, wants to be certain, wants to scream “fuck it” and dive into something head first with no worries or regrets but he can’t. There are too many risks, too many what-if’s, and he can’t risk losing someone like Michael.

But still, there are days when Michael will brush their hands together when he sees Rich getting nervous, or nudge his thigh under the lunchtable just because, or shoot him that special sunshine smile he saves for his moms and his dog, and Rich will desperately think, maybe.

And right now, that maybe is swirling around his head in a whirlwind. Because right now, they’re sat underneath the tree in Michael’s back yard, huddled together to keep in the shade, and Rich is trying desperately to focus on his Calc work instead of the warmth of Michael’s thigh pressed against his.

“That one’s wrong.” Michael mumbles, leaning over Rich’s shoulder to point at the question on his sheet.

Rich must say something super intelligent, like “whuh?” or “fsbgdbdh”, because Michael chuckles quietly and taps his answer.

“The fraction’s the wrong way around, dummy. Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of math whiz or something?”

“Uh, yeah!” Rich laughs awkwardly, trying not to focus on the way Michael’s hair brushes against his cheek or how his body’s almost draped over his and oh fuck he’s way too bi for this! “I, uh - sorry, it’s just pretty hot out here, y’know? Hard to concentrate…”

“I know, right?” Michael smiles, that beautiful sunshine smile that makes Rich melt inside. “I feel like a turkey or something…”

“A turkey?” Rich snorts. “The fuck?”

“Oh - shut up!” Michael laughs, slapping his shoulder. “You know what I mean, it’s hot out! Like I’m in an oven or something!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you-” And that’s when he starts choking on his own spit because  _sweet Jesus Michael’s taking off his hoodie what the fuck?!_

Oh Jesus, he’s perfect, and his shirt’s riding up just so, showing off the smooth skin of his tummy and that little dip where the pants dig into the soft muscle of his hip  and god he’s so fucking pretty-

“Rich?”

Rich jerks up and oh  _shit_ , if he thought Michael’s body was good his face was so much better. Soft and smooth and his dimples - Jesus  _Christ_  those dimples. But what truly took Rich’s breath away was his hair. There must’ve been a breeze or something, because there was a light smattering of flower petals decorating the shiny black locks - God, Rich wanted to touch it, feel it tangling against his fingers, maybe tug on it a little or-?

“Dude!” Michael laughs, snapping his fingers in front of Rich’s eyes. “You keep zoning out, you having a heat stroke or something?”

“Uh, n-no, just-” Rich mumbles, his face heating up. “Y-You have something in you hair!” He blurts out. “Um – do you want me to get it out?” 

Michael blanks for a moment, just looking at Rich with a look of slight surprise. Just as Rich is about to take it back, his lips quirk into a smile.

“Okay.” He shrugs, leaning forward with a mischievous smirk. “You do you, my dude.”

Rich chuckles breathlessly, reaching out to brush away that smooth, silky hair with the back of his hand and  _oh fuck that’s soft…_

He swallows, carding his hand through Michael’s hair and gently pulling out the tiny pink petals. His fingers catch on a small tangle and he tugs slightly, his stomach flipping at the small hum Michael lets out and - wait. Michael just looked down. Down as in lip-zone. Down as in designated mouth area. Down as in…  _Maybe_.

“Y-Your hair’s so soft…” Rich chuckles breathlessly, trying not to focus on that annoying little maybe. He looks away, keeps his gaze fixed on the ground - too many risks, too many what-if’s…

He feels a warm palm cup his jaw, tilting his head up until he’s looking right into Michael’s beautiful brown eyes and he  _wants_. God, he wants…

“Fuck it.” Michael whispers - and then they’re kissing. Rich almost jolts away in surprise, but Michael’s lips are so warm, so soft against his own, plush and malleable and  _fuck it._

He lets his eyes slip shut and lets his other hand reach up to cup Michael’s face. He tightens his grip on Michael’s hair, tugging gently and relishing in the noise Michael lets out against his lips. He tilts his head so their noses aren’t bumping and curls his hand against Michael’s hair, more firmly this time, and feels himself smirk against Michael’s mouth as he lets out a long, involuntary moan.

“Uh!” He gasps as they break apart. “I-I wasn’t - I, uh -”

“Sorry!” Michael laughs awkwardly. “I, uh… Sorry. I-I was gonna do it on our first date but then I pussied out, and then I kept wanting to do it but I thought I might pressure you or something or-”

“Whoa!” Rich squawks, raising his hands up. “First  _date?!_ When - when did we have a date, when did-?!”

“What?!” Michael laughs in disbelief. “Are you kidding? We - I mean, I knew we weren’t, like,  _official_ , but we were definitely something-”

“We were _something?!”_  Rich yelps. “We - seriously?!”

“Uh…” Michael mumbles, his face slowly dropping. “I mean, I-I thought - shit, Rich, I-”

Rich bursts out laughing.

“Oh my  _god!”_ He gasps, clutching his stomach. “I’ve been in bi panic mode for weeks!” He splutters, having to grab Michael’s shoulder to keep himself from collapsing forward. “I thought I’d ruin our whole friendship or something!”

A small chuckle bubbles through Michael’s lips.

“Are you kidding me?” He gasps in disbelief, tugging Rich into his lap as he laughs into Michael’s shoulder. “How dense are you?!”

“I don’t know!” Rich gets out between fits of giggles. “I was so scared!”

“Jesus Christ!” Michael howls, flopping backwards so Rich is splayed against his chest. “Fuck, I wanted to kiss you for so long…”

“Yeah?” Rich grins mischievously. “Me too.” He smiles, leaning forward to smother Michael’s face in little pecks.

“Hey!” Michael snorts, rolling them over so Rich is beneath him and pulling him into a deeper kiss. Rich giggles against his mouth, tangling his hands in Michael’s hair and tugging.

“Hey!” Michael says again, warningly. He pulls Rich’s hands away and pins them beside his head in a way that makes Rich’s stomach flip and a chill run down his spine. “Careful.” He murmurs as he nuzzles Rich’s neck. “Can’t keep on teasing me like that, Richie, I can’t take it…”

“Sorry.” Rich chuckles, kissing him softly. “Sorry, really, I’m just… Excited. I, uh… I’ve been pining for a  _while_ , feels good to let it out.”

“Yeah.” Michael smiles, rolling over so he can pull Rich against his side. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you for ages.”

“Yeah?” Rich grins dopily into his hoodie, leaning up to peck his jaw. “Since when?”

“Oh, shit…” Michael chuckles. “Uh, since before our first date? I think we were in Physics - you got an answer right and you kinda jumped up in your seat and kicked your feet a little - it was so fucking cute…” He blushes and looks away when he notices Rich smiling at him. “So, yeah, uh… About three months?”

“Yeah?” Rich smirks. “So, uh… What was our first date?”

“Oh!” Michael smiles awkwardly. “I, uh… That time we went to Seven Eleven? You, uh - y-you got slushie on your nose and I really wanted to kiss it off and then I wanted to kiss you properly but, uh… I-I kinda chickened out.”

“Seven Eleven?” Rich snorts. “Jeez, real romantic there, Mike, no wonder I didn’t know it was a date!”

“What was I supposed to do, take you to a restaurant? A movie?” Michael demands in faux horror. “Those are Peak Anxiety Zones, Richard!”

“Peak Asperger’s Zones.” Rich nods solemnly. “Okay, fair. But still, maybe throw in some flowers or something, come on, man!”

“I payed for your slushie!” Michael protests. 

“Oh, shut up!” Rich snorts, cuddling into his side. “I’ve been fantasizing about these snuggles for months, shut up and hug me.”

“Okay, Richie.” Michael smiles, kissing his head. “So, uh…” He mumbles as he nuzzles into his hair. “Are we…?”

“Michael?” Rich smirks. “Could you shut up so I can cuddle with my boyfriend for a bit?”

“Oh!” Michael smiles in sudden surprise. “Uh, y-yeah, we’ll, uh - awesome!”

“Nice.” Rich grins, burying into his shoulder as Michael drapes his hoodie over the two of them.

“God, I’ve waited ages for this…”

“Bet I’ve waited longer.” Rich smiles lazily.

“Eh, doesn’t matter.” Michael shrugs, pressing little kisses to Rich’s temple and cheeks. “You’re worth the wait.”

Rich looks up at him and smiles gratefully.

“You promise?”

Michael grins, snuggling his face into Rich’s hair.

“I promise.” He smiles gently. “Wanna go to my room and make out?”

Rich snorts in disbelief.

“Y’know what?” He laughs, tugging Michael to his feet and pulling him into a kiss. “Fuck it.”


End file.
